Jammie J's Quest

September 8, 2009 · 6:26 pm

Love & Loathe – 09/08/09

Love:

* How all dates this month are bookended with “09”. Yep, I’m a dork that way.
* That my morning commute right now involves feline obstacles instead of vehicular ones.
* Not having to listen to squeaky doors all day.
* Not having to listen to heels banging on chair bases all day.
* 45 minute swims every morning.
* My husband who, because he works less than 5 minutes from our house, was bringing me food treats & short visits during the day last week,
* My tuberose’s bloom shoot popped open last week. Good heavens, but it smells so good. This little bloom right here scents the air in a 10′ radius.

* Wearing my Hawaiian dresses. They were too casual for the office, but not too casual for my “office” now!
* Loreal’s Hip eye liners. I’ve mentioned these before… but, wow, they stood up to the torrent of tears this past week like a champ! Plus, they’ve started making a true thin pencil type of eye liner, and not just an eye crayon.
* Broken Week truly is over and it really is Recovery Week. We started it off right with a tour of Warner Bros. studios yesterday (pictures) — 110 acres of Hollywood goodness.
* Feeling free.
* Fried okra.
* Pears.

Loathe:

* Feeling disorganized and uprooted.
* Missing my work friends.
* Job searching. It’s exhausting, even if it’s all done electronically these days.
* Seeing headlines like this and being just a teensy bit skeered.

* Being treated to a display of “how NOT to terminate someone” by the H.R. woman. Terminations are ordinarily undignified, however, I found myself wondering if she was trained on how to make them humiliating, or if she comes by it naturally.
* Missing out on all the free food from company vendors… and with the holidays coming up, all the boxes and boxes of free candy. *sad sigh*

One Last Thing:
I saw this in a catalog ad the other day and just started laughing while imagining what videos we would get from our cats. A whole lotta sleeping, I’m thinking.

5 Comments

Filed under Love/Loathe

September 5, 2009 · 4:02 pm

Broken Week.

Early in my career, I worked for a large baseball card & sports memorabilia company as the EA to the head of their in-house legal department. The CEO’s assistant, a woman who was in her mid-to-late 40’s, had been with him forever. Her name was Millie. They were like an old married couple, except on a professional platform. They had their routines, they knew each others likes and dislikes. She had his back, and he had hers — no matter what. They trusted each other. They knew they were going to be together forever.

I envied them that, because that is what I want.

That is actually what I had there with my boss, now that I think about it. But circumstances out of our control came into play that caused my boss, and later me, to move on. He was the best boss I ever had.

That is the type of relationship I’ve sought at every job, there and at every job since, thinking I’d found it every time. And, finally, I thought I’d really found it at this last job… it sure seemed like it. In a nutshell, I suppose, that explains why I’m so hurt and disappointed. My expectations weren’t met. Isn’t that where we always get into trouble? We have expectations that aren’t met? (sigh) I’ve had some frustrations this week with the company in getting things finalized, but it all came together today in the mail, so it looks like it’s really over.

I contacted all my prior bosses (excepting the most recent one) this week to request that they act as references and all but one of them got back to me, each giving an “of course,” along with kind words and assurances… talk about giving support when I need it.

On Wednesday night I was working on a project for Tony and the video card on my longtime laptop, the one I purchased in 2002, went out. The hard drive is fine, it’s just that I can’t see to do anything… my window into its soul has been darkened. Most everything on there has been backed up, so there shouldn’t be any loss of data, but I’d like to double check. Dear Vince has a couple ideas up his sleeve to help me out. Shout out to Vince!

This morning, I noticed Mr. White (my male fish) had a weird red thing in the bottom of his tank and a bunch of strange things floating around. He seemed happy and was playing with the weird red thing, but … I hadn’t put a weird red thing in there. So I grabbed the long tank tweezers and pulled it out. That was when I realized, with some shock and definite horror, that it was the innards of the tank thermometer. I looked at the side of the tank where it should be and the glass casing was there, but broken off at the bottom. Immediately I thought, “OH NO! MERCURY! HE’S GONNA DIE!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!” Because everyone knows that rampant mercury is like a silver stream of death!! But after an emergency phone call to Fish Whisperer, who reassured me that the fish is gonna be OK, mercury is more toxic to humans (if it gets in the blood stream), than it is to fish and no one is going to die. He said to leave Mr. White in the tank and do a 50% water change. So, I did that with a water vacuum and searched for glass bits and changed his tank’s filter. I examined the pieces of the broken thermometer and realized that the mercury is still intact (phew!!), but the red stuff that’s at the bottom of the thermometer had gone somewhere… dissolved in the tank, maybe? What is that red stuff anyway?

Mr. White has gashes on his sides because he, being the masochistic fish that he is, was happily slamming himself up against the broken thermometer. But he seems to be OK — active, and was actually pretty pissed that I took his toys away from him. Can’t have a pissed fish, so I put an artificial blue spiky plant in there that his dad used to love to beat up and I poked holes in a ping pong ball, soaked it in really hot water for a few minutes to sterilize it, and then sank it in his tank. He’s been having the time of his life this afternoon moving “fish safe” toys.

The blue, spike plant (Notice Mr. White in the lower right corner, moving the plant by “flashing” his body and flinging all the rocks around?)

While those gashes heal, I’ll be doing daily water changes. Good thing I have a little extra time these days, huh?

I figure if I can make it just a few more hours, the Broken Week will be over and we can move on to Recovery Week, right?

7 Comments

Filed under I feel Sad, Kid Substitutes, Money Hump Building

September 2, 2009 · 9:42 pm

No Love & Loathe…

I was planning to write my weekly Love/Loathe/One Last Thing but, bummer for you, I have much more to say than bullet points.

I keep waiting for the panic to set in, the panic related to “Oh my God, I’m jobless in the highest unemployment rate the country has ever seen!!” But so far it hasn’t. In the meantime while we wait for the panic, we’ll talk about the hurt over the way they handled my termination — my boss wasn’t even there! When I explained the situation to my Aunt Marjorie, she summed it up best with, “Sounds like a lot of skullduggery going on!” She went on to tell me, in the no nonsense manner she has, to “put some starch in your britches and don’t fall into depression like so many other people do when they lose their job.”

I surely do love my Aunt Marjorie. I come from some amazing survivors.

I cried a lot Monday night and Tuesday — and that’s OK. I think it’s OK to feel hurt. I think it’s OK to grieve the loss, not only the financial loss, but the loss of so many friendships — people I truly adored working with each and every day. Dear God, that part of it really hurts. The handful of people who were around when I was terminated (you can’t hide much in cubicle land) were liberal in their comforting hugs, sympathy and expressions of shock — I think the adoration was mutual.

There’s something special about that company. Something I’ve never been able to quite lay my finger on and say, “That’s it! That’s where the magic is!” That company has managed to hire people who are genuine, helpful, incredibly talented, smart… every single person who works there is willing to be there for you if you need them. Sure they’re human, and there were day-to-day frustrations and irritations, but those were always, always dimmed by the overriding “magic.” I never experienced true, willing teamwork until I worked there and it was a daily gift.

I’ve tried to reach my former boss, but she’s “unavailable” and I suppose I would be, too, given that I’m sure she doesn’t want to deal with someone who she thinks is bitter and angry, when that’s what HR is for.

The thing is, I’m not bitter and angry… I’m hurt and I’d like to tell her that and hear what she has to say. But mostly, and perhaps oddly, I wish I could tell her that I’m thankful for the time I had there. I’m thankful that I had such a wonderful boss as her, and the other two gentlemen for whom I had the honor to work. She gave me the platform on which to grow my confidence and skills. She was gifted in assigning new duties to me — she knew I could do them, but never left me feeling like I was doing them alone. Her trust in my abilities and judgment, and her support of the business decisions I made, enabled me to heal from the antics of the boss I had at my previous job. She mentored and coached me in such a way that I never felt “less” when I wasn’t sure what decision I should make. She always, always greeted me with a smile and took the time to answer my questions, even when I knew she was having a rough day. There are so many other things I could list about her, but the bottom line is, those traits are not common finds in many executives, and for that reason, they were gifts. She is an incredible businesswoman.

And I guess that’s the thing. It is just business. This was a business decision she made on behalf of the company. She’ll take on my work, I’m sure, and will go back to working 18 hour days, the kind of hours no one should have to work. But she will, because she’s just that way.

Me, well, I’ve filed for unemployment, completed the termination paperwork, took the time to redesign my resume, contacted my references, and have already started the job hunt. On the extracurricular side, I’ve gone swimming during the daytime, gone to the San Diego Wild Animal Park (on a guest pass) with my friend, Grace, and helped Tony out with a couple of projects. Since I have the time, maybe I should go visit some of you guys? I’ve already teased my mom that I might come see her in South Korea! *grin*

So, yeah, termination sucks and I’m very sad, but it’s part of life. From here, the journey continues and I’m hopeful (right now) that the next job will be even better and I’ll be even more blessed. That hope is, in no small way, attributable to you guys, and my friends and family. All of y’all are my inspiration.

I am so blessed.

10 Comments

Filed under I feel Hope, I have Family, I have Friends, I Left Home for Awhile, Mermaid Envy, Money Hump Building, Women Before Me

August 31, 2009 · 8:52 pm

Only 3 1/2 Years.

This was my cubicle this morning:

This is my cubicle tonight.

My position was eliminated today at 4:55 PM.

I think I’ll take tomorrow off.

14 Comments

Filed under Money Hump Building

August 29, 2009 · 12:36 pm

All Over the Place.

I have lists. Lists of things I need to do, lists of things I need to buy. Like groceries, for example… and ink. My printer is out of ink.

I got my ticket in the mail. It’s not going to cost me $134. Nope. Much, much more. Bail is $212, or traffic school is $262. That is insanely expensive and way, way beyond my $20 rule. I’m now thinking it might be worth it to go to court and beg for a lesser fee… because $262 for being maybe 20′ early in the bicycle lane? That’s just ridiculous. That’s $13.10/foot. I’m pretty sure penis enlargements are less expensive than that… I saw it in my spam mail just this morning. Not that anyone would want a 20′ penis…

I booked a round trip flight to visit my Aunt Marj, arriving just a couple days after her birthday in November. I am really excited about going to see her! And, if you’re interested, to put the airfare in perspective, I can fly 3,104 miles (round trip) for less money than driving 20′ in a bicycle lane. Yes, I’ll be doing cost comparisons for awhile.

I just looked out the window and saw my resident hummingbirds. They love my back yard and I love having them in my back yard. They sit out there for hours on end, perched on plants or the string of lights, I love having a hive of hummers.

Ohhh, I attended my community’s board meeting a couple days ago to request that they heat the pool in our section of the community until November 1 (instead of turning it off early or heating the small, heavily shaded kiddy pool). My swim friend/neighbor attended, too. I left the meeting after I spoke, and before they rendered their decision. She came by the pool this morning as I was finishing my swim and told me that the Board had been persuaded by my presentation, that they granted all my requests. She gave me all the credit and I was so shocked.

Well, the cats are passed out, taking their early afternoon nap and I’ve gotta get going to run my errands. Y’all have a nice weekend and STAY OUT OF THE BICYCLE LANE, hear?

11 Comments

Filed under I ♥ My Miata, I own a Home, I Stimulate the Economy

August 25, 2009 · 10:44 pm

Love & Loathe — 08/25/09

Love:

* That there’s only 4 months until Christmas.

* Going to the mountains, like we did this past weekend, and doing all the things we do in the mountains… visit to KMart, the Candy Shop, squirrel watching, book reading, sleeping in, hiking, visiting the shooting range (I got the best shooting score!!). Idyllic stuff. Good stuff.

* I bought these a few months ago and thought it’d be fun to use them during the summer months for our iced tea. I love how they look like we should be using them for something else.

* How fun my cubicle at work looks. I may have a “small cubicle complex”, but I get a lot of compliments on it. So I guess it is true — it’s not how big it is, it’s how you use it?

Loathe:

* The not so good moment in the mountains when we discovered that the one store where we’d been able to buy our favorite pie has stopped carrying it. Gah! I just know I’m gonna be a hoarder because of discontinued products!

* Frisky bullet shells, such as the ones I experienced this past weekend. The most exciting one started in my cleavage and went all the way down south. I got burned in three places. First time that’s ever happened.

* Weird sleep patterns.

* Squeaky doors.

* Drama over stupid stuff.

* Clutter.

One Last Thing:

I didn’t get a very good picture of this, in fact, the picture pretty much sucks, but since I took it, I’m posting it. Mostly it’s just a reminder to me to put the question out there. So, here’s what it is… I’ve seen quite a few vehicles driving around with stickers on their back window saying things like, “In loving memory of John P. Andrews… 1978 – 2005.”

Do you think they just want to remember their loved one or do you think that’s like a portable headstone and they’re driving around with an urn in their car, belted into the passenger seat?

9 Comments

Filed under Love/Loathe

August 20, 2009 · 12:16 am

Our Anniversary.

It’s been four years since we trekked to the mountains and then hiked a mile, with a little rock climbing thrown in at the end, to get married in the place where he proposed to me. It was a unique wedding, to say the least, and it was perfect for us.

At the time, I didn’t feel ready to be married … I was scared, I was overwhelmed, I still had healing to do, I was still carrying emotional baggage. I thought I had to be in the perfect place emotionally, physically and at the perfect time in my life — like getting on a ship. If the anchor wasn’t cast to hold things in place, and the loading ramp wasn’t lined up perfectly, then I’d end up adrift in the ocean.

But then I realized, marriage isn’t like a boat ride… in a good marriage, you aren’t tethered to shore or anchored to the bottom of the sea. Marriage is like a hike. Sometimes the path is carved out of granite and the going is dry, tough and not very pretty. Other times, there are waterfalls and shady areas that take your breath away for the sheer beauty and spirituality. When you get tired along the way, you have someone to hold your hand or cradle your head while you rest. You don’t have to be perfect to get married, you just have to be strong enough to be “weak” — willing to be vulnerable, to let him into the inner core, to let him help you heal. You should have the freedom to choose which path you take, as long as you always end up back together, facing the same direction. Facing life together, with family and friends surrounding you in love.

Marrying this man is like a little slice of heaven pie each day for me. There is so much more to him than I would have ever guessed when we first met and every day I love getting to know him just a little more. There are so many of his virtues I could extol, but I really don’t want people throwing up just because they read my anniversary post on my blog.

So, I’ll just finish by saying that when I look at couples who have been married 20+ years, I know that four years seems like a piece of sand on the beach — there’s a whole lot more sand to cover. But then I think about all we’ve done together and, boy, have we made every single piece of sand in our marriage count so far. We are really good at making memories that last.

Happy Anniversary, babe.

16 Comments

Filed under Best Husband

August 18, 2009 · 10:33 pm

Love & Loathe – 08/18/09

Love:

* The smell of laundry in the air in the mornings — my company is now located across the street from an apartment complex and as I walk from my car to the building, the scent of laundry in a dryer wafts through the air. It’s a comforting smell that I enjoy.

* Cracker Jacks. One of the “oldest” snacks, dating back to the late 1800’s, but I love the sweet treat as if it were invented yesterday. It’s also one of those things that I always forget about and then when I remember, I’m like, “Oh yeah, I really like those!”

* My weekly visit with Grace. I ♥ Grace.

* Rambutans. Tastes similar to the lychee, but way cooler looking.

* Carolina Pad’s Simply Chic line of products — really brightened up my dull cubicle, let me tell you! The best part is, I found nearly the entire line on clearance at my local Walmart. Although I did buy a few things off their website — it came all wrapped like a Christmas present in August. I was impressed. I may have become a teensy bit obsessed with that line…

Loathe:

* Chipped fingernail polish. One of those things that just bugs me.

* Waiting or being in limbo with things.

* The chairs we now have at work. They look nice and are somewhat comfortable, but the details of the chair’s design was not thought out for female sitters. For example, the wheel plate is metal instead of hard plastic, like most desk chairs. I know, you’re like, “So what?” Well, women wear heels. If the wheel plate is the metal bell, then women’s heels are the gong — all day long. Also, the back of the chair is terrible for women whose hair is past their shoulders. Tangles it like a windstorm. So I now wear my hair in a bun (no tangles) and listen to the radio by wearing ear pods (no gonging). But, like I said, the chairs look nice.

One Last Thing:

It seems as if something has changed the last few months and I’m mentally bringing work home with me. My boundaries are in place as far as no phone calls or e-mails once I leave the office, but mentally I’ve lost that boundary and I need to reinstate it. I examine and re-examine things that were said or done during the day and I need to figure out a way to stop. I need to figure out a way to focus on the here and now.

So, how do you leave work behind? Once you cross that threshold and get out the door, how do you focus on the moment you’re living instead of the moments you’ve finished?

7 Comments

Filed under I Stimulate the Economy, Love/Loathe, Protected

August 16, 2009 · 6:03 pm

In the Air.

Someone’s Birthday

I can’t believe it’s August already. Tony’s 36th birthday is tomorrow (the 17th). We met when he was 28, he’ll be 36 tomorrow. Makes a person wonder where the time goes, doesn’t it?

This man makes me laugh so hard. We had date night on Friday, and went to our local Red Robin for dinner. As we sat there eating, one of us decided it would be entertaining to do body builder postures. And so, there we sat, with every bite of food we took, posturing to flex our biceps or quadriceps or neck muscles or whatever sitting pose we could invent to flex a muscle. “Hey look! Our car is that way!” Flexing a bicep to point repeatedly. “Oh yeah, well this chicken wrap is the best I’ve ever eaten!” Overflexing chest muscles to pick up a green burrito looking thing. On and on it went. We were laughing so hard we nearly had tears running down our faces. The waitress must have thought we were insane but, I’m telling you, it was the funniest dinner I’ve ever eaten.

Happy Birthday, babe!

No Shampoo, etc., Week 13.

May 17th was the last day I used shampoo — that was 13 weeks ago. Hard to believe, but it’s not really any big deal anymore. In fact, I’m slowly but steadily whittling away the inventory of shampoo by using them as a post-swim body wash. Outright discarding them seems wasteful. I have no plans to ever use shampoo to clean my hair again.

I use my baking soda/water rinse every 2 to 3 days, as needed, and my recipe for that concoction has never changed.

We have really hard water, so I boil 32 oz. of tap water, turn the heat off and add 1/2 c baking soda. I then wait until it cools and pour into a squeeze bottle. I use only on my scalp while showering. For soft water, you would just add the baking soda to the water without boiling and shake.

I’ve finalized my apple cider vinegar rinse recipe, and it’s now fine-tuned to what my hair needs — I use this every day, since I swim every day. I add 1 c aloe vera juice, 1/4 c apple cider vinegar, a 10″ stalk of fresh rosemary and fill the rest of the 32 oz. bottle with tap water. As I mentioned, I use this every day and I use it on the entire length of my hair. Takes about a cup per use.

I’ve completely stopped using Scalpicin, I don’t need it anymore. My scalp is healthy with no inflammation or itching. Occasionally, due to a preference for lovely smells, I’ll use a small bit of sulfate free conditioner or a small bit of sulfate free oil. Loreal has a wonderful line of products that I love.

In addition, I keep a small plastic container by my sink of baking soda. This I make a paste of when rinsing my face. It makes a great makeup remover and exfoliates my skin.

Here’s a picture from last week, after my hair cut:

Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t be able to tell…

Anybody but me feeling the change of the seasons? There’s something in the air, isn’t there? The smell of autumn, a little bit of a chill at night that wasn’t there a week ago? Hmmm.

8 Comments

Filed under Best Husband, Hair Can Be a Topic of Conversation

August 14, 2009 · 7:45 pm