No Love & Loathe…

I was planning to write my weekly Love/Loathe/One Last Thing but, bummer for you, I have much more to say than bullet points.

I keep waiting for the panic to set in, the panic related to “Oh my God, I’m jobless in the highest unemployment rate the country has ever seen!!” But so far it hasn’t. In the meantime while we wait for the panic, we’ll talk about the hurt over the way they handled my termination — my boss wasn’t even there! When I explained the situation to my Aunt Marjorie, she summed it up best with, “Sounds like a lot of skullduggery going on!” She went on to tell me, in the no nonsense manner she has, to “put some starch in your britches and don’t fall into depression like so many other people do when they lose their job.”

I surely do love my Aunt Marjorie. I come from some amazing survivors.

I cried a lot Monday night and Tuesday — and that’s OK. I think it’s OK to feel hurt. I think it’s OK to grieve the loss, not only the financial loss, but the loss of so many friendships — people I truly adored working with each and every day. Dear God, that part of it really hurts. The handful of people who were around when I was terminated (you can’t hide much in cubicle land) were liberal in their comforting hugs, sympathy and expressions of shock — I think the adoration was mutual.

There’s something special about that company. Something I’ve never been able to quite lay my finger on and say, “That’s it! That’s where the magic is!” That company has managed to hire people who are genuine, helpful, incredibly talented, smart… every single person who works there is willing to be there for you if you need them. Sure they’re human, and there were day-to-day frustrations and irritations, but those were always, always dimmed by the overriding “magic.” I never experienced true, willing teamwork until I worked there and it was a daily gift.

I’ve tried to reach my former boss, but she’s “unavailable” and I suppose I would be, too, given that I’m sure she doesn’t want to deal with someone who she thinks is bitter and angry, when that’s what HR is for.

The thing is, I’m not bitter and angry… I’m hurt and I’d like to tell her that and hear what she has to say. But mostly, and perhaps oddly, I wish I could tell her that I’m thankful for the time I had there. I’m thankful that I had such a wonderful boss as her, and the other two gentlemen for whom I had the honor to work. She gave me the platform on which to grow my confidence and skills. She was gifted in assigning new duties to me — she knew I could do them, but never left me feeling like I was doing them alone. Her trust in my abilities and judgment, and her support of the business decisions I made, enabled me to heal from the antics of the boss I had at my previous job. She mentored and coached me in such a way that I never felt “less” when I wasn’t sure what decision I should make. She always, always greeted me with a smile and took the time to answer my questions, even when I knew she was having a rough day. There are so many other things I could list about her, but the bottom line is, those traits are not common finds in many executives, and for that reason, they were gifts. She is an incredible businesswoman.

And I guess that’s the thing. It is just business. This was a business decision she made on behalf of the company. She’ll take on my work, I’m sure, and will go back to working 18 hour days, the kind of hours no one should have to work. But she will, because she’s just that way.

Me, well, I’ve filed for unemployment, completed the termination paperwork, took the time to redesign my resume, contacted my references, and have already started the job hunt. On the extracurricular side, I’ve gone swimming during the daytime, gone to the San Diego Wild Animal Park (on a guest pass) with my friend, Grace, and helped Tony out with a couple of projects. Since I have the time, maybe I should go visit some of you guys? I’ve already teased my mom that I might come see her in South Korea! *grin*

So, yeah, termination sucks and I’m very sad, but it’s part of life. From here, the journey continues and I’m hopeful (right now) that the next job will be even better and I’ll be even more blessed. That hope is, in no small way, attributable to you guys, and my friends and family. All of y’all are my inspiration.

I am so blessed.

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10 Comments

Filed under I feel Hope, I have Family, I have Friends, I Left Home for Awhile, Mermaid Envy, Money Hump Building, Women Before Me

10 responses to “No Love & Loathe…

  1. Wow girl, you’ve come a long way! I think I love Aunt Marjorie, too. Don’t waste your money visiting Texas. We can meet in San Diego in January. I really love your attitude right now and I hope it stays with you. I wonder if we could use our blogger connections to circulate your resume or is Hollywood too far away? I’m thinking Make Mine Mike and Fighting Mad Mary. Anyway, I like where your brain is right now.

    ****
    Yeah, Hollywood is too far. Warner Bros. Studios has a position open right now that is exactly what I’m looking for, except it’s in Burbank and would be a 4 hour commute R/T. Sadly, I don’t want it that bad. But if I lived up there, I would be camped on their doorstep, in a dignified manner, of course.
    ~Jammie J.

  2. Looks like you’ve inherited the survivor instinct. Maybe you can send your boss a letter. It’s important not to burn bridges, and a written letter would go a long way toward letting your boss know that you aren’t doing that.

    I’m thankful that you got to work in such a good environment. That’s how I feel with my job now, and it’s a blessing to be surrounded every day by kind, smart, hard-working people. I pray that you’ll find a work situtation that’s even better than what you left.

    Take care!

    ****
    The treated me very well while I was there. They didn’t owe me the job, they entrusted me with it. It was a gift. There are some things that I don’t like right now (the termination, obviously), but looking at the whole picture, I can’t find it in my heart to be angry with them. Hurt and sad, yes. Angry, no.

    ~Jammie J.

  3. You are amazing. And that’s why you will always be better than ok.

    I have room here in Maine for a visitor and there is a bathroom right next door to it. Perfect! πŸ˜‰

    ~~~~
    Ohhhhh, a bathroom in close proximity??? You know me and my love for the bathroom! So tempting!! Hehehe

    ~Jammie J.

  4. grrrace

    Your Aunt Marjorie sounds awesome. πŸ™‚

    Your boss is probably feeling guilty and doesn’t want to talk to you. I’m still mad at her. heh.

    Yesterday was fun! Thanks for being so patient with my little dictator of a daughter. hehe.

    ~~~~
    I love my Aunt Marj. πŸ™‚

    I don’t know if my boss has time to feel anything right now… I’ve heard through the grapevine that the 18 hour days have already started for her. I don’t doubt it.

    Your daughter is an adorable little dictator and I had a lot of fun! πŸ™‚

    ~Jammie J.

  5. I’ve been there too. And it does hurt. I can understand why your boss would avoid you. She’s protecting the company by not saying anything. I’m sure she won’t be able to talk about the reasons behind the termination.

    You’re pretty smart and talented so I’m sure you’ll find something soon. There’s always a position for people like yourself.

    ~~~~
    I’m sure that’s why she’s not talking to me… that and she’s probably super busy right now. I mean, there were times when I worked for her that she was inaccessible, so it’s not out of reason to think that it’s even more likely now.

    Thanks for the compliments/assessments. Here’s hoping potential employers think the way you think. πŸ™‚

    ~Jammie J.

  6. Beth

    You have no idea how much I feel your sadness. Or maybe you remember my nightmare?

    You’re lucky to have an Aunt Marjorie to remind you to put “starch in your britches.” She’s right, you can’t fall into depression, and we’re here for you if you ever need help. Well, I mean, I’m there for you in spirit, cause if I was literally there, I’d be busy distracting you. πŸ˜€

    ~~~~
    HA!! You ARE a distraction, missy! πŸ˜›
    Thanks for the love, you know how I love to be loved. πŸ™‚

    ~Jammie J.

  7. Cat

    I still get this sick feeling in my stomach when I read about this. hubbyHead is also mad on your behalf. Sigh. Maybe this is sign of something better to come, though? Trying to stay positive in all of this, maybe this is the first step to something great. Enjoy your time right now, maybe you need to unwind like this for a bit.

    And we’re both up here, North of the border thinking of you!!

    ~~~~
    Seems I have quite a few people who are angry on my behalf! The thing is, for my own mental health, I can’t let it get to me. I can’t analyze everything I did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say. I’m human, and that shows sometimes, but the bottom line is I’m Damn Good at my job and I know I took a lot off her shoulders while I was there. My point is, her decision hurt her, too.

    I hope things get better, because it’s been a rough few months in my little bubble.

    ~Jammie J.

  8. i was SO SURPRISED to read that your job was squeezed out … 😦 … i’m so sorry … but it sounds like you are definitely being a trooper about it all – and drinking from a glass that is half full …

    i wonder what exciting thing the Lord has for you next?

    i mean this job was perfect for the time that you had it – now there will be something else that suits that more mature experienced YOU!

    big ((Hugs)) …

    ~~~~
    Your last sentence summed it up precisely — that job WAS perfect for me, but I’ve felt as if I’ve been in limbo since May. And now I’m not anymore… so yeah, I wonder what’s next.

    ~Jammie J.

  9. tony

    It will be ok, we will do fine and you will find a job soon. I love you sooooo much no matter what.XOXOXOX
    :mrgreen:

    ~~~~
    You are so good for me. xoxo

    ~Jammie J.

  10. Water in our pool is still around 90. I can invite the four kids from across the street over if you really feel the need for company.

    The last round of layoffs at our place fourn all the managers on ‘vacation’ or ‘comp time’ on the day we were let go. The poor HR woman had to do it all herself, I can see why they have breakdowns. At our place each department made a priority list, the top level a few months later picked who, not the managers.

    *****
    Man, you can’t tell me that the managers didn’t know when it was going to happen. They knew, bunch of chickens. 😦 If I had known, I think I would have called in sick so that at least I didn’t lose my sick pay (which I did).

    Your pool sounds like the idyllic temperature for me! πŸ™‚

    ~Jammie J.