March 11, 2010 · 8:31 pm

I Need You.

I sat down here tonight to type my weekly Love & Loathe post and am finding that I just can’t do it. It feels superficial and forced, too perky for where we are tonight emotionally. Physically, too, now that I ponder it.

Tony is driving out to Las Vegas this evening to meet his dad and brother. His sister has been missing since February 25th, and they are attempting to find her. She has a mental illness and is supposed to be taking medications to help her, but she has missed important doctor appointments and, as a result, is likely off her meds. Tony has put together a simple website to get the word out on Facebook and Twitter.

**03/13/10 Update: After spending Friday in Vegas following leads, on Friday night, Tony’s sister surfaced. We don’t have all the details, maybe never will of what happened, but the important thing is that she’s OK.**

In addition, Tony’s grandfather’s health has been declining since January. There is a lot going on with him, and out of respect for his privacy, I will just share that he has been in and out of the hospital for treatment and testing. We are hoping that he will be OK once they get him stabilized, but will likely need to be in an assisted living facility. This has been especially hard on Tony’s elders as they try to figure out the best way to provide him the needed care, but also ensure that he feels loved, safe, comfortable and reassured.

**03/13/10 Update: On Friday Tony’s grandpa stabilized enough that he could eat solid foods and be placed in a living facility. I hope he’ll be around for many, many more years.**

And finally, Tony and I have been dealing with something incredibly personal as well. You may recall that we’ve been trying to start a family for three years and we were diagnosed with male factor infertility in December of 2007. We were told that the likelihood of me becoming pregnant by “normal methods” were less than 3%, or even less, when my age is factored in.

Miraculously, I am 2 1/2 months pregnant, and have been on pelvic rest for 1 1/2 of those months (no exercise, no sexercise, nothing that moves the pelvis beyond a sedentary life).

However, I was diagnosed last Friday with early pregnancy failure. By ultrasound, they can find the gestational sac and the yolk sac, but no baby. From what I’ve read on Dr. Google, there is a tiny, tiny, tiny chance that, because I have a tilted uterus, the baby may be hidden, but I… well, I don’t know. The doctor didn’t give me any hope at all and said I will miscarry within the next 2-3 weeks.

I spent most of Friday night and Saturday sobbing my heart out, grieving, for this baby we want so very badly, but the doctor says isn’t there. We are working on getting a second opinion, but ultimately, a second opinion won’t change what’s going to happen. Whatever that may be.

In the meantime, I’m trying to hold it together emotionally and physically at a new job, where I will finish my first week tomorrow.

There are times in life when I’ve come to realize that, no matter what I do, there is actually very little I can do to change the outcome of certain situations. When, through it all, I hold onto the fact that I know a God who can work miracles, whether it be peace of mind or putting a baby in my womb. Or giving loved ones wisdom when it comes to searching for a missing loved one or holding a family together when a loved one needs their help.

You guys are my extended family and now, more than ever, we need your love, prayers and emotional support.

54 Comments

Filed under I feel Sad, I have Family, Kid Quest, Sex, Spirituality, Who I am

March 8, 2010 · 11:39 pm

First Day.

Whew. I’m here to tell you that I’m tired. Or as I used to say when I was a little girl with a southern accent, “I’s tiiiired.”

It’s been awhile since I’ve used my brain AND stayed in an upright sitting position for a full day. Now that’s multi-tasking, right there.

Seriously, though, as far as I’m concerned, the first day went well and no one told me otherwise. I’m thinkin’ that’s a good thing, yes? There’s a lot for me to take in, a lot to learn. The typical learning curve of who’s who and who does what, as well as learning about an industry that I’ve not worked in before. I just need to be patient with myself and hope that they’ll see that I do have lights on in my head and that I am making the connections. There’s also the part where I’m used to being the person to whom questions are referred, and it’s a little odd to have the roles reversed.

I had quite the adventure getting to work today. I was told to report to work at 9, and I was all set to get there a bit earlier than that. Mostly because I wanted to avoid traffic. As it turned out, my “early” goal turned into an “on time” target, because there was a minor glitch with the cat’s litter boxes and, since they’re in the garage, those things are the last view I have of our home before I leave. Which means if there’s something wrong with them, I don’t see it until I’m literally getting in my car.

I left the top down on my car since rain wasn’t in the forecast. Well, wouldn’t you know it, I got in the middle of traffic AND a torrential downpour of rain. I kept adjusting the brim of my hat and muttering to myself, “Come ON, people! 35 miles per hour, that’s all I ask of you…” (35 MPH is the magic speed that aerodynamics kick in and send the rain over my car’s cockpit.) I swear, it must have looked like a movie set, because what are the chances the rain and traffic hit at the same spot on the freeway. Then when traffic cleared up, so did the rain. *shrugs shoulder* I guess a little rain never hurt nobody.

Beef stew in the crock pot for dinner, a few nice hours with my husband this evening, and I’m ready to call it a perfect day. Here’s hoping the rest of the week goes just as well.

One day at a time…

33 Comments

Filed under I ♥ My Miata, I Left Home for Awhile, Money Hump Building

March 4, 2010 · 10:19 pm

Love & Loathe — 03/04/10

Loathe:

* Websites who make you change your password because they changed their security protocol. I was fine with my password, it was long enough with enough weird characters in it, and now I have to remember yet another version of my weird characterized password.

Love:

* Brach’s Sugar Free Cinnamon Hard Candy. Now, I just have to figure out where I bought them in the first place. Because they’re gone.

* This tag on my hair dryer. The irony of where I keep it makes me smirk every time I see it. That’s me, living on the edge of danger!

* Dark Sipping Chocolate. The Steve/Marigold/Huck/Milo Show gave it to me as part of my multi-part birthday present last year. I just finished it and it was delicious. I might just lick the inside of the canister (which I also love — it’s SQUARE!) Who knew I would like something from Trader Joe’s?

* When my husband finds the Arrowhead water bottles that have the bigger cap. Often times it’s the smaller things in life that makes me happy, but in this instance, it’s definitely the bigger thing (small though it may be).

* I busted out of my voluntary introverted isolation today and spent a couple hours (maybe longer?) with my friend, Grace. It did me a wealth of good and I just *heart* her so much.

* When the sun breaks through the clouds.

One Last Thing:

I had two phone interviews (last Thursday and Tuesday this week) and in-person interviews with five people (yesterday and today), for a contract-to-hire position.

The recruiter I’m working with has been working with this company for 14 years and she is confident that they’re an honorable company. I hope she’s right.

In an “It’s a Small World” scenario, this recruiter has ties to the Rose Parade and I saw her in the Rose Parade (this year, and probably other years, too) and didn’t even know it. Her story is absolutely incredible and when I met with her today for the first time, and then learned of her connection, I found myself shaking my head inside over the incredible strength this woman possesses.

Anyway, I landed the job** and at a wage that’s just a smidge lower than I wanted, but at least I’m not placed in the dark corner of the clearance aisle anymore with a neon pink “50% OFF” price tag on my forehead. I start on Monday. There’s a lot of work to be done there and they really, really need someone like me. I’m terrified, but in a good way.

Can I get a “WOO HOO!” from My People?

**… just when I was prepared to spend another 12 months sitting on my duff eating chocolate!

28 Comments

Filed under Love/Loathe, Money Hump Building

March 1, 2010 · 4:07 pm

Weekend Worry Warts.

I resolved my question about extended EDD benefits with a quick phone call to their 800 number today. I was greeted with a recording which informed me that they were receiving higher call volume than normal and that if my regular benefits are running out, they will automatically include an extension form request with my last check.

Yay! That was the easiest piece of work I had to do all week!

Next on my List of Worries is my mortgage. In July it converts to an ARM, which I was planning to refinance before then. But to refinance, you kind of need to have a job… and a house that is valued about the same as it was when you bought it. Strike one and strike two. Too bad my mortgage isn’t with Chase, because if it were, I would have had ample opportunity to discuss it with them in February when they were calling me 6 times a day hoping that the Trudeau’s would magically answer my phone. All that phone calling has tapered off, by the way. Thank goodness.

We won’t even talk about filing TAXES or the next property TAX assessment, both of which are rapidly coming due next month.

Instead, I’ll tell you I had my nose buried for a few hours yesterday in a book written by Kimberley Woodhouse, entitled Woodhouse Family Welcome Home! It was a much needed reminder to me that no matter what challenges, obstacles or fears I’m facing, to keep searching for my joy in the midst of it. That He has bigger shoulders than I’ll ever have, and that’s where my worries and fears (and praise and worship) really belong.

I reminded myself of that while I battled with my Sunday Night Insomnia last night.

If you’ve never heard about the Woodhouse Family, I encourage you to read their story. The book was an easy and quick read, and I really enjoyed it. If you want my book, I’m happy to pass it along. I won it in an online comment contest, so I’d be glad to continue its journey. We can do a drawing or something if more than one of you wants it.

18 Comments

Filed under I own a Home, Money Hump Building, Sometimes Thinking Exhausts Me, Spirituality

February 27, 2010 · 2:47 pm

Ownership of Human.

On Thursday night, we were relaxing and watching a movie or something. Maybe a Lakers game. Tony looked over at me and rolled his eyes and started laughing. Not at me, but at what was stretched on the lower half of me.

Look for yourself.

Have you ever seen anything so ridiculous?

LOOK at that, from my hips to my ankles, Tug is like a 30″ long heated blanket.

Relaxed or just really happy, or both. That cat spent all day trying to get on my lap. Meowing when I dared to get up and walk around or *gasp* leave the house to run errands. Oh my!

Here’s a closer view… look at that paw of his, all stretched out.

Right now, this moment, he’s on my lap with his head awkwardly perched in the crook of my elbow while I’m typing. Dude’s got some serious possessiveness going on these days. He’s gonna freak when I go back to work.

Speaking of which, my six months of unemployment pay is running out in a couple weeks. I can’t believe it’s been six months since my position was eliminated. That boggles my mind. I’m guessing there’s some sort of extension or something that I can get, since I can’t seem to get a job? I mean, hell, I had a half price sale on me and I still didn’t land the job. Sheez. I can’t seem to find anything about how to apply for the extension on California’s EDD website and everything in the news about unemployment is all about the extended benefits for the 1.2 million who are unemployed that is running out this weekend. Which I don’t think applies to me, not yet anyway.

That’s been the worry gnawing on my mind for the last couple of days, and Tug’s been doing his very best to squash it with all of his warm fur and neediness and charm me into staying home with him.

20 Comments

Filed under Kid Substitutes, Money Hump Building

February 25, 2010 · 4:03 pm

Love & Loathe — 02/25/10

Loathe:

* I had forgotten about these sinus headaches I get when storms move through. I probably forgot because we don’t get that many storms here in California, but this time of year we do. Sometimes. I would be one big walking headache if I lived anywhere else, huh?

Love:

* Honey sticks. I’ve been on a tea with honey kick lately. Could have something to do with my half sore throat, which may be a teensy tiny sinus infection. Or something to do with my sinuses (see first loathe up there). But, yeah, honey sticks. Yum.

* The Mess. That is what I order at the restaurant we go to in the mountains. It has eggs, hash browns, ham, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, jalapenos and probably a few things I’m forgetting right now. I put my hot sauce on it and it’s absolutely delicious. Plus, it’s enough food that I make four or five breakfasts out of it. Delicious and thrifty!

* Opening the windows and watching the cats scramble to get up on the window ledge. I love seeing feline bliss.

One Last Thing:

So, I had my interview yesterday and I got the call today that they decided to hire the candidate who had 6 years of experience in their type of business.

Their decision is actually a HUGE relief to me, because if they had offered the job to me, I couldn’t have turned it down, since I need one. But after I processed yesterday’s interview, I honestly think I would have hated working there (or the PC way of saying it, “I didn’t feel like we were a good match”), which absolutely surprised me given how excited I was about the interview.

The HR person said it wasn’t me, they believed I was “an excellent candidate” and am “a very talented young lady with a lot of skills,” and that my “resume is incredible,” they just wanted someone who already had experience in that industry. Since I hate nothing more than wasting my time, I was grateful when she offered me a couple of critiques about my responses yesterday during the course of the conversation today.

I feel like at least I learned something from the experience, which I can use going forward. For me, that’s what this whole process is about. That and finding a job, of course.

12 Comments

Filed under Love/Loathe, Money Hump Building

February 22, 2010 · 4:22 pm

Where’d It Go?

The weekend went way too fast, but don’t they always?

Our mini trip to the mountains went smoothly. We even had a dusting of fresh snow when we woke up Saturday morning. It looked so nice and pretty and fresh, because it covered all the dirty snow. Like a fresh coat of makeup, though it wore off when the sun came up.

Fresh snow…

We had breakfast at our favorite restaurant up there. Funny thing, that. One of the waitresses had seen us in one of the stores up there last November. At the time, I had been looking for dark chocolate covered marshmallow candy in the clearance bin from Halloween. She remembered that incident and found some dark chocolate covered marshmallow candy on clearance from Valentine’s Day and bought it for me the previous weekend, thinking we’d be up there. Well, we weren’t and sadly, the candy didn’t make it through the week, but it made for a pretty funny story.

Ohhh, also, the waitress shared about her trip down the mountain to some sort of gag store where she picked up The Freeloader. What’s The Freeloader, you ask? It’s an expandable fork. How hilarious is this?

Normal…

Expanded… looks pretty handy, doesn’t it?

Sunday was church, and then went to pick up the husband’s parents at LAX. They were full of stories about their Habitat build and, also interesting, that it had been mid-summer (hot!!) where they had been (New Zealand). Coming back to California, with our rainy weekend, was quite a bit cooler than where they’d just been.

Field of flowers by the in-law’s house…

View on the way home. That shiny ribbon on the horizon? Ocean. Not always visible from this far away.

We had movie night last night and watched a marathon of Ice Age movies. Someone tried microwaving some expired popcorn and the house hasn’t smelled the same since.

Like I said, the weekend went by way too fast.

20 Comments

Filed under Entertainment can be Cheap, I have Friends, I Left Home for Awhile

February 18, 2010 · 1:03 pm

Love & Loathe — 02/18/10

Loathe:

* Junk mail. Since I’m getting old and persnickety, I simply don’t have the tolerance or fascination for all the catalogs and crap that companies send out. I used to make phone calls and request being discontinued, but nowadays, that’s no longer effective. So, I’ve resorted to ripping off the back page of the catalog (or whatever shows my address), sticking it in an envelope and mailing it back to them with “REMOVE FROM YOUR MAILINGS” written across in big, red letters. It really makes me happy if they’ve included a postage pre-paid envelope.

* Bill collectors. Especially the ones from Chase. Even moreso because they’re trying to collect a debt from someone named “Neil or Christine Trudeau” and I’ve advised them that I am “Jammie” and have been “Jammie” my whole life and there is no one at my number by the name of Neil or Christine and to please stop calling. I’ve been nice to them, I’ve tried being grumpy, I’ve tried sending them to my fax machine. I’ve called Chase back and told them the story, I’ve talked to every department possible, including their legal department, all to no avail. I now call them “my boyfriend” because I talk to them more than I talk to my husband during the day. Seriously, 4-6 times a day is the normal number of times they call me — every single day. At least my phone skills are staying up to date!

Love:

* My husband. He has been and continues to be one of the biggest rocks in my life. No matter what scary path my life takes me on, he is intuitively supportive and a great communicator. I respect him and cannot even begin to put into words how much I love him. I know I’m being mushy, but it’s Valentine’s week, so I’m entitled.

* I have an interview next week with a company that would totally kick ass in the “cool” department and would look great on my resume if I land it. The phone interviews have gone well, and it’s everything I’m looking for in my next position… except for the pay. It’s half of what I was making before (ouch!!), but we all know, jobs these days seem to be an endangered species.

* Organizing. Gosh, do I love organizing things and things are never organized enough, so I’m always tinkering in my brain with ways to organize things even better. Problem is, the external processing of my internal genius oftentimes looks messier than I like.

* Our neighbor’s little girl gave us a little bag of candy for Valentine’s Day. GAH! Be still my heart from the cuteness of it! I don’t remember if I ever told you the story about how she came over with her dad and didn’t want to leave (about a year ago)? He finally left her here after we told him it was OK with us, and then checked on her a bit later, and she STILL didn’t want to leave. She was pretty low maintenance, actually, just wanted crackers and toys. hehe

* We’re going to the mountains this weekend. A quick trip, but still, I always look forward to that.

* Showers. Never undervalue the pleasure of simple things, and I do love my showers. Nice hot water with good smelling soap? 10 minutes of pure bliss.

One Last Thing:

I realized it’s been awhile since I wrote a hair (no shampoo) update. It has, as of yesterday, been 9 months since I stopped using shampoo. Instead, I use a mixture of baking soda/water which I rub into my scalp, when needed, and then rinse it completely out. If I’m swimming daily, I’ve found that I only need to use the baking soda/water mixture every 4-5 days. If I’m not swimming daily, it takes about 2 days before the grease starts to bug me.

For a “conditioner,” I use a mixture of apple cider vinegar, water, aloe vera juice and a stalk of rosemary. This mixture acts as a clarifier, removing the chlorine from all the swimming I do. I use this mixture immediately after I get out of the pool.

Occasionally, if the tangles get out of control, I use L’oreal’s sulfate free conditioner.

This process is now just as normal to me as using shampoo was for years and years. Although, apparently airline security didn’t feel it was normal at all. They inspected my luggage, and opened the two bottles when I traveled in January. I know this because they didn’t securely close the top on the baking soda/water bottle. Thankfully, they did return it to the plastic bag I had it in, so it only leaked a little onto my packed clothing.

9 months, no shampoo:

26 Comments

Filed under Hair Can Be a Topic of Conversation, Love/Loathe

February 15, 2010 · 8:46 pm

One More Day.

We tried to send my mom home this morning. We really did. We took her to the airport and everything. Normally, we just dump people at the curb, you know? Why go through all that heart wrenching goodbye stuff. For some reason, we decided to break from the norm and park the car and wait in the check-in line with her.

Thanks to the east coast folks who are hoarding all the planes due to the weather (How can it be so cold there, when it was 84°F here today?), our airport was short on planes, and her flight was canceled as a result.

We could have driven her to LAX, but that would have put her at her ultimate destination late at night, with luggage, to be greeted by snow and public transportation.

So, she’s staying another night. We’ll try again tomorrow morning, and the next morning, and the next morning, until we’re successful. Or Tony will, I’m not getting up that early. HA!

One of the fun things we did a couple days ago was a drive-about. I always enjoy driving out in the hills and canyons near my home. Those are the types of roads for which my little car was built! This time of year especially, the fun driving part is enhanced because it’s all green and Ireland-looking back there.

See?

This picture wasn’t on our drive-about, it was later that evening. My cat, Tug, took over my mom’s lap. Totally cracked me up, because my cat is just about as big as my mom.

I hope you had a great Valentine’s Day… I scored a ton of chocolate, and chocolate is always good. Unrelated to that (even though it’s in the same paragraph), half of my throat feels weird and swollen. I hope I’m not getting sick…

18 Comments

Filed under Entertainment can be Cheap, I have Family, I Left Home for Awhile

February 11, 2010 · 10:45 pm

Love & Loathe — 02/11/10

Loathe:

* My mom leaves this coming Monday. I really don’t want her to leave.

* Bloating. I still, after all these years, have not learned to enjoy, tolerate or like this bloating thing that my body does. Even when the doctor had me taking diuretics back in 2006, my body overrode the diuretic. It’s ridiculous, really.


Love:

* Sleeping in, just because I can. I mean, what on earth do you people who get up at 5:30 AM do anyway that’s so important?

* All this time with my mom. I have really been soaking it up and basking in it. It sounds so simple — visiting, talking, sharing and quality mother/daughter time. I feel so blessed and grateful. She is truly a gift to me.

* Kidney beans. I know I’ve mentioned how much I love those silly things before, but I decided that since my love for them hasn’t diminished, maybe I should find a cheaper, more affordable way to cook them. Say hello to dried beans, cooked in the crockpot. Plus, it makes my husband cry… if you get my drift. If you don’t, we can safely say that he does.

* Frozen yogurt from Golden Spoon (another oddity that I can eat their yogurt). Doesn’t this look delicious? It’s half cheesecake and half toffee flavored.

* Time wasters such as this website. (Click it!) Great fun, and someone took a whole lotta time to do those pictures.

One Last Thing:

I saw this truck in the parking lot at Costco a couple weeks ago. As I walked past it, I wondered just how many conversations or comments the owner elicited from total strangers by having his truck custom painted, down both sides and the back, indicating his love for USC. I’m guessing he can’t be a fair weather fan with a paint job like that…

(Click to make larger…)

When I left Costco a bit later, I saw him engaged in conversation with another couple and overheard them talking about how the team has done this year. The couple moved on to their own car, laughing and chatting with each other. The owner of the truck got in and started it up to leave. I smiled to myself, because it answered my question — A LOT.

Then I wondered if he has to allot extra “chatting with strangers time” to every errand he runs?

16 Comments

Filed under Love/Loathe