Category Archives: Spirituality

Crazy Drivers.

I had a wonderful night’s sleep and felt so relaxed this morning. William woke on his own, and at the perfect time, so we had some wonderful, sweet time together this morning. As I pulled out of the garage and drove down the hill, I debated what music I wanted to hear. I have a love/hate relationship with worship music in the car, it’s a constant battle for me to sing along with worship music while driving in the midst of frustrating traffic, but this morning I felt really positive that I could do it!

I merged onto the freeway and was pleased that I managed to do so without inconveniencing anyone. I merged onto the 405 and then, from a mile behind, someone who had taken the truck bypass lane off the 5 rapidly came up behind me and tailgated me. I ignored him, because most people, when they come off that merge lane choose to go over to the fast lane. My strategy is to stay in the slow lane and merge gradually when the lane ends. So I figured he’d move on in a minute or two.

This guy didn’t do that. He stayed on my tail, and when the slow lane started to slow, he THEN swerved rapidly to the left, to the fast lane, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I tracked him with my eyes, just a little concerned. He wasn’t hard to miss, since he was tailgating and weaving. I just followed my usual pattern of driving, this lane here, that lane there, I stayed in the slow lane, merging where I needed to, etc., but for the most part just “holding my lane.” Leaving appropriate “heavy traffic” space between cars as usual, just enough for me to be comfortable. Heavy traffic drivers know it’s a fine art of just how much space you can leave without pissing off everyone behind you because you don’t want the entire county to merge in front of you. But I’m always careful to let people in if need be, so they can get over to the car pool lane, etc. Just doing my usual drive. My pattern is a good one, I know this… I’ve been doing this drive since 2009 and my pattern has been proven over and over again, because I’ll usually pick a car or two in other lanes and “track” them. On a normal day, my pattern usually puts me quite a few cars ahead of the ones I’m tracking.

My pattern bore out again today, because despite this guy’s weaving and tailgating, from the fast lane back over to the slow lane, back and forth he went, he wasn’t able to get in front of me. Apparently, I was his car that he was “tracking” and it was pissing him right off. There was one instance that I refused to let him in front of me, I had let someone merge who had just gotten on the freeway, and it was apparent that they were trying to get over to the car pool lane. Now, the thing is, that merging lane is approximately 1 mile, maybe 1.5 miles long. It serves as a major freeway merge on ramp, as well as a major street’s off ramp, 500 feet after the street’s exit lane, the merge lane ends. My experience tells me that the only reason people urgently move over is because they’re trying to get into the car pool lane, because the car pool opening ends mid-point, and people (if they’re trying to get into the car pool lane) have to cross 5 or 6 lanes of cars to get there. For the most part, though, people just be-bop along in that merge lane and then merge like a zipper when it ends. Easy peasy.

After seeing me let a car pool merger in, the Fool decided that he was going to be opportunistic and rapidly “jumped out” into the merge lane, and then attempted to “merge” back in, right into my passenger door! It was at that point I realized, for whatever reason, he had it in for me… because, as mentioned, he could have easily just be-bopped along for another mile and merged back in, but he wanted in front of ME. Since he wasn’t merging into an open space, but rather into my passenger door, I didn’t want to brake abruptly (not sure that would have helped in this instance anyway) and I am rather fond of my passenger door, so, I attempted to change lanes to let him have my spot, but someone was next to me, so I blared my horn at the Fool. He apparently wasn’t expecting really loud air horns to be part of my tiny car, because he backed off and went back behind me.

I was able to safely change lanes a couple seconds after that, intending to let the Fool have my spot, but he followed my lane change. And then from that point on, he copied every single lane change I made and left about 3 inches of room between my rear bumper and his front bumper. To compensate for that (since I’m rather fond of my rear bumper), I left a bit more space in front of me in case traffic were to stop rapidly (which it does in the lane I (we?) was in at that part of the freeway). I was not using my brakes, but rather my engine/stick shift to adjust my speed. I’m sure he thought I was leaving extra space with the sole intent to piss him off, but I wasn’t. When traffic opened up, he zipped into the lane next to me and cut in front of me (despite ample room in both lanes, he just had to make his point), and crammed on his brakes. In his impulsive move, he actually left a better lane open. So I changed lanes to the better lane.

Even though he was now in front of me, he changed lanes to be in front of me and hold me behind him by braking maliciously. I sighed and rolled my eyes. (I really did.) it was apparent that he was desperately trying to start something with me. So, I signaled and changed lanes again, moving to the right, and got behind a car who had a semi truck in front of him. He changed lanes to get in front of the car, wedging himself between the semi truck and the car. I changed lanes, again, pretending i was getting off the freeway. He was unable to change lanes because there was a semi truck where he wanted to go. He executed a rapid two lane change in one fluid swerve to get back in the fast lane and accelerated to tail gate his next victim. And the last I saw of him, he had swerved back to the right, crossing two lanes, and was braking hard because he was behind an SUV.

People like that terrify me. I was still shaking when I got to work. I was thankful that I got to work safely. And I realized my worship music was still playing sweet accompaniment to the craziness as I parked. So, happy Friday to you and I’m glad it’s a happy Friday.

I’m thinking it may be awhile before I brave worship music again in the morning.

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Filed under I ♥ My Miata, Sometimes I Sleep, Spirituality

I Need You.

I sat down here tonight to type my weekly Love & Loathe post and am finding that I just can’t do it. It feels superficial and forced, too perky for where we are tonight emotionally. Physically, too, now that I ponder it.

Tony is driving out to Las Vegas this evening to meet his dad and brother. His sister has been missing since February 25th, and they are attempting to find her. She has a mental illness and is supposed to be taking medications to help her, but she has missed important doctor appointments and, as a result, is likely off her meds. Tony has put together a simple website to get the word out on Facebook and Twitter.

**03/13/10 Update: After spending Friday in Vegas following leads, on Friday night, Tony’s sister surfaced. We don’t have all the details, maybe never will of what happened, but the important thing is that she’s OK.**

In addition, Tony’s grandfather’s health has been declining since January. There is a lot going on with him, and out of respect for his privacy, I will just share that he has been in and out of the hospital for treatment and testing. We are hoping that he will be OK once they get him stabilized, but will likely need to be in an assisted living facility. This has been especially hard on Tony’s elders as they try to figure out the best way to provide him the needed care, but also ensure that he feels loved, safe, comfortable and reassured.

**03/13/10 Update: On Friday Tony’s grandpa stabilized enough that he could eat solid foods and be placed in a living facility. I hope he’ll be around for many, many more years.**

And finally, Tony and I have been dealing with something incredibly personal as well. You may recall that we’ve been trying to start a family for three years and we were diagnosed with male factor infertility in December of 2007. We were told that the likelihood of me becoming pregnant by “normal methods” were less than 3%, or even less, when my age is factored in.

Miraculously, I am 2 1/2 months pregnant, and have been on pelvic rest for 1 1/2 of those months (no exercise, no sexercise, nothing that moves the pelvis beyond a sedentary life).

However, I was diagnosed last Friday with early pregnancy failure. By ultrasound, they can find the gestational sac and the yolk sac, but no baby. From what I’ve read on Dr. Google, there is a tiny, tiny, tiny chance that, because I have a tilted uterus, the baby may be hidden, but I… well, I don’t know. The doctor didn’t give me any hope at all and said I will miscarry within the next 2-3 weeks.

I spent most of Friday night and Saturday sobbing my heart out, grieving, for this baby we want so very badly, but the doctor says isn’t there. We are working on getting a second opinion, but ultimately, a second opinion won’t change what’s going to happen. Whatever that may be.

In the meantime, I’m trying to hold it together emotionally and physically at a new job, where I will finish my first week tomorrow.

There are times in life when I’ve come to realize that, no matter what I do, there is actually very little I can do to change the outcome of certain situations. When, through it all, I hold onto the fact that I know a God who can work miracles, whether it be peace of mind or putting a baby in my womb. Or giving loved ones wisdom when it comes to searching for a missing loved one or holding a family together when a loved one needs their help.

You guys are my extended family and now, more than ever, we need your love, prayers and emotional support.

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Filed under I feel Sad, I have Family, Kid Quest, Sex, Spirituality, Who I am

Weekend Worry Warts.

I resolved my question about extended EDD benefits with a quick phone call to their 800 number today. I was greeted with a recording which informed me that they were receiving higher call volume than normal and that if my regular benefits are running out, they will automatically include an extension form request with my last check.

Yay! That was the easiest piece of work I had to do all week!

Next on my List of Worries is my mortgage. In July it converts to an ARM, which I was planning to refinance before then. But to refinance, you kind of need to have a job… and a house that is valued about the same as it was when you bought it. Strike one and strike two. Too bad my mortgage isn’t with Chase, because if it were, I would have had ample opportunity to discuss it with them in February when they were calling me 6 times a day hoping that the Trudeau’s would magically answer my phone. All that phone calling has tapered off, by the way. Thank goodness.

We won’t even talk about filing TAXES or the next property TAX assessment, both of which are rapidly coming due next month.

Instead, I’ll tell you I had my nose buried for a few hours yesterday in a book written by Kimberley Woodhouse, entitled Woodhouse Family Welcome Home! It was a much needed reminder to me that no matter what challenges, obstacles or fears I’m facing, to keep searching for my joy in the midst of it. That He has bigger shoulders than I’ll ever have, and that’s where my worries and fears (and praise and worship) really belong.

I reminded myself of that while I battled with my Sunday Night Insomnia last night.

If you’ve never heard about the Woodhouse Family, I encourage you to read their story. The book was an easy and quick read, and I really enjoyed it. If you want my book, I’m happy to pass it along. I won it in an online comment contest, so I’d be glad to continue its journey. We can do a drawing or something if more than one of you wants it.

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Filed under I own a Home, Money Hump Building, Sometimes Thinking Exhausts Me, Spirituality

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