Love & Loathe – 09/02/10

Loathe:

* I forgot to stretch after two of my swim workouts this week. Oh, wow. I hope I never forget to do that again. It was unbelievable how good it felt when I finally remembered to stretch out.

* When this happens:

That was my swim cap. It broke when I went to put it on one day. I sat there and stared at it for about 10 seconds wondering what the heck just happened and what to do about it. Thankfully, I remembered I had a back-up cap in my swim bag. But still. I hate a busted cap.

Love:

* Lychees. They are so incredibly delicious that I can’t seem to stop eating them.

* I went into work early yesterday so I could indulge myself with a 2 hour lunch. I spent that time with my friend, Grace, who gave me the gift of her time and also the aforementioned lychees. I really love my Grace.

* Being an hourly employee. I think it’s so much more fair… if I work I get paid, and if I’m off the clock — I don’t. Simple, guilt- and resentment-free.

One Last Thing:

I had a flashback yesterday morning when I was making a copy — it was a year ago that I was laid off from my previous job. The flashback was triggered by it being the 1st of the month, and a year ago, I would have been standing at the copier making copies of letters I’d been working on the entire previous week. I still remember the schedule.

I was so shocked, blind-sided, really, by their decision to terminate my position. I had sensed that something had been amiss for a few months, but believed it was something that was going to get worked out. I didn’t realize that my boss was building a wall (figuratively) between us to make the termination easier for her. I thought they were as committed to me as I was to them. I thought wrong.

Oddly, though, amidst the grief of losing my job, I also felt a sense of relief. That their new thing of nitpicking me (part of the figurative wall) was over. And also, there was a feeling of being blessed — I had the holidays off! And long swims every day!! And unemployment checks!!!

God’s timing was perfect. He brought this new job into my life at a time when I was irritated, annoyed and angry at all the companies where I had given interviews. I felt like they were all playing games with me. I was even annoyed at the company where I now work because I felt like they hadn’t respected my time. I was ready to wave my hand dismissively and forget about them.

I was also scared. I was 2 1/2 months pregnant, and afraid that no one would hire me once I started showing. No one hires a pregnant woman. And THEN what would I do when unemployment ran out? How would I pay for health insurance? How would I make my mortgage payments? And good heavens, a baby! How would I work with a new baby?

Every day I wonder why I’m at this company (beyond the obvious answer of “money”). There’s so much about them that is so … opposite of who I am. But, since circumstances are what they are for now, I’ve chosen to change my perspective. I don’t know God’s reason for having me there, and maybe never will, but I can choose to serve them as if I’m serving God (instead of myself). When I feel as if I’m not making a difference, I have to realize it’s not about me making a difference, it’s about Him and He has a reason for me being there, and so that’s where I am.

This job, while technically considered permanent, is really temporary; aren’t all jobs here on earth? Perhaps even more temporary than I want to think. But while I’m there, I will do everything I can — while I’m on the clock — to make their lives easier and better.

The stress of the position sometimes gets to me, there are some days I can’t even remember what I did all day. Every second is filled with something and it certainly isn’t the same routine every month, every week, or even day-to-day. Getting out for my lunch break is often filled with me thinking, “let me just do this or that, it’ll only take a minute,” and before I know it, there are 25 little things that I’ve done and 25 minutes have gone by!

But I appreciate every time I make my bosses laugh, every time I do something well, and every time something goes according to plan. I try to bring joy to those with whom I work, I don’t always succeed but I try… and I appreciate every day that I have a job and a pay check.

But, Lord, I’m so glad we have a 3 day weekend ahead…

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17 Comments

Filed under Love/Loathe, Money Hump Building

17 responses to “Love & Loathe – 09/02/10

  1. Stretching before and after exercise is key. Otherwise it takes days to work the kinks out.

    Having been a salaried employee most of my life and working more than a standard 40 hour week most of the time, boy OT would be great. Alas.

    I can completely appreciate your job situation. I’ve also found the Lord gives you what you need when you need it, though we don’t always understand why. And after getting “downsized” myself at my company about the same time last year (as in given the choice to get demoted or fired) I completely understand how you feel. However, the Lord works in mysterious ways and I’m incredibly happy and at peace right now where as last year I was completely stressed out and unhappy.

    I’m sure you’ll have a big impact in some way at your place of employment. I would certainly love to have someone like you working for me. Enjoy your weekend!

    • I stretch after, always… except this past week I’ve been distracted by other stuff and just completely forgot. Does no good to stretch when the muscles are cold (later), just hurts them more. Also, I read somewhere NOT to stretch before because of just that… the muscles are cold, it’s better to warm them up gradually with the choice of exercise. I couldn’t understand why, when I was stretching before and after that my muscles were feeling worse. Your mileage may vary, of course. 🙂

      Last time I was hourly was back in 1995, I remember loving it then, too. I tell you, it’s made a HUUUUGE difference in my attitude about work.

      Thanks — that’s a very big compliment you just gave me. 🙂

  2. “There’s so much about them that is so … opposite of who I am. But, since circumstances are what they are for now, I’ve chosen to change my perspective. I don’t know God’s reason for having me there, and maybe never will, but I can choose to serve them as if I’m serving God (instead of myself). When I feel as if I’m not making a difference, I have to realize it’s not about me making a difference, it’s about Him and He has a reason for me being there, and so that’s where I am.”

    Wow. That first sentence describes my work life perfectly, and the rest of that paragraph is a great reminder to me of what’s important and the type of attitude I need to work on.

    I enjoyed reading today’s ramblings! Have a great weekend!

    • I’ve never worked in a place where my eyes are so wide open about how very, very different my employers are from me. Maybe it’s a good thing, to know up front? There are zero illusions to be broken, and I can adjust my perspective accordingly. Right?

  3. grrrace

    I would prefer hourly over salary… Although, let’s be honest, I’d take any money right now. hehe. 😛

    mmm, lychee! Glad we could share them. And have lunch together. 🙂 *muwah*

    xoxox

  4. tony

    I love you sweetie. God works in funny ways sometimes but he has a plain for us and he will lead us to where we need to be. Love you sooooooo much, YES three day weekend. XXOXOXOXOXO
    :mrgreen:

  5. Oh Jammie… You are just the sweetest thing! Thanks so very much for your encouraging comments at my blog. You are a delight in my life. Hugs, Debra

  6. Hope you have a fun filled weekend

  7. py

    Dear Jammie, thank you for this post, especially on the part under “One Last Thing”. I am sorting out some work-related issues, and I guess it helps to read how others like yourself write about why one may be in a particular company. I like the idea you’ve bought up on ‘serving (others) as if serving God’, although I still need more wisdom to understand what it means to be serving God.

    I hope you have had a super meaning weekend.

    • For me, serving others as if serving God means that I try to do things out of “love.” If someone asks me for help, I try to help them — regardless of whether they’ve ever helped me or not, or if it’s in my job description, or if I think they should do it themselves. I remind myself that I am there to help, not hinder. It’s hard, because I’m busy and it feels unnatural sometimes to have the heart of a servant, and I don’t always succeed. But it’s worth it when I do.

      I hope your weekend has gone well… you are facing another week already.

  8. Not related to anything you’ve posted at all, but i have a burning question…..

    are you ready?

    Here goes…..

    Does your new job have a BGS? I wanna see if you remember what it means before I translate 🙂 (giggle)

  9. Angi

    Yay for no BGSG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!