Daily Archives: September 2, 2010

Love & Loathe – 09/02/10

Loathe:

* I forgot to stretch after two of my swim workouts this week. Oh, wow. I hope I never forget to do that again. It was unbelievable how good it felt when I finally remembered to stretch out.

* When this happens:

That was my swim cap. It broke when I went to put it on one day. I sat there and stared at it for about 10 seconds wondering what the heck just happened and what to do about it. Thankfully, I remembered I had a back-up cap in my swim bag. But still. I hate a busted cap.

Love:

* Lychees. They are so incredibly delicious that I can’t seem to stop eating them.

* I went into work early yesterday so I could indulge myself with a 2 hour lunch. I spent that time with my friend, Grace, who gave me the gift of her time and also the aforementioned lychees. I really love my Grace.

* Being an hourly employee. I think it’s so much more fair… if I work I get paid, and if I’m off the clock — I don’t. Simple, guilt- and resentment-free.

One Last Thing:

I had a flashback yesterday morning when I was making a copy — it was a year ago that I was laid off from my previous job. The flashback was triggered by it being the 1st of the month, and a year ago, I would have been standing at the copier making copies of letters I’d been working on the entire previous week. I still remember the schedule.

I was so shocked, blind-sided, really, by their decision to terminate my position. I had sensed that something had been amiss for a few months, but believed it was something that was going to get worked out. I didn’t realize that my boss was building a wall (figuratively) between us to make the termination easier for her. I thought they were as committed to me as I was to them. I thought wrong.

Oddly, though, amidst the grief of losing my job, I also felt a sense of relief. That their new thing of nitpicking me (part of the figurative wall) was over. And also, there was a feeling of being blessed — I had the holidays off! And long swims every day!! And unemployment checks!!!

God’s timing was perfect. He brought this new job into my life at a time when I was irritated, annoyed and angry at all the companies where I had given interviews. I felt like they were all playing games with me. I was even annoyed at the company where I now work because I felt like they hadn’t respected my time. I was ready to wave my hand dismissively and forget about them.

I was also scared. I was 2 1/2 months pregnant, and afraid that no one would hire me once I started showing. No one hires a pregnant woman. And THEN what would I do when unemployment ran out? How would I pay for health insurance? How would I make my mortgage payments? And good heavens, a baby! How would I work with a new baby?

Every day I wonder why I’m at this company (beyond the obvious answer of “money”). There’s so much about them that is so … opposite of who I am. But, since circumstances are what they are for now, I’ve chosen to change my perspective. I don’t know God’s reason for having me there, and maybe never will, but I can choose to serve them as if I’m serving God (instead of myself). When I feel as if I’m not making a difference, I have to realize it’s not about me making a difference, it’s about Him and He has a reason for me being there, and so that’s where I am.

This job, while technically considered permanent, is really temporary; aren’t all jobs here on earth? Perhaps even more temporary than I want to think. But while I’m there, I will do everything I can — while I’m on the clock — to make their lives easier and better.

The stress of the position sometimes gets to me, there are some days I can’t even remember what I did all day. Every second is filled with something and it certainly isn’t the same routine every month, every week, or even day-to-day. Getting out for my lunch break is often filled with me thinking, “let me just do this or that, it’ll only take a minute,” and before I know it, there are 25 little things that I’ve done and 25 minutes have gone by!

But I appreciate every time I make my bosses laugh, every time I do something well, and every time something goes according to plan. I try to bring joy to those with whom I work, I don’t always succeed but I try… and I appreciate every day that I have a job and a pay check.

But, Lord, I’m so glad we have a 3 day weekend ahead…

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