Category Archives: Longbits

… the travel edition!

Loathe:

* People who stop in the middle of doorways of public places to regroup or organize their belongings. This is always a pet peeve of mine, but even more so this time of year when stores are so busy. One selfish, thoughtless person can cause huge foot traffic jams.

* Jet lag.

* Packing and unpacking.

Love:

* How thoughtful and considerate people seemed to be in the town my aunt lives. I’ve never met so many friendly strangers!

* My aunt and uncle. I was startled to learn that they’ve been married 52 years this year. It’s absolutely fascinating to see how their marriage works — they each have a clearly defined role, know what’s expected of each other and they report in with each other throughout the day. Beyond that, they are each their own person with their own interests and are interested in the other’s life but not to the extent they want to control it. I love how they are with each other and I loved the time I spent with them.

* Sleep schedule boot camp — my aunt and uncle retire to bed early and rise early. Willingly. Because they want to. If I didn’t get my butt to bed, I was left feeling sleep deprived when 4:30 AM came along and the hosts were up and at ’em for the day. We’ll see how long my new and improved schedule lasts, now won’t we?

* Family picture albums and the stories behind the pictures.

* That I had great compatibility with my seat mates on all my flights.

One Last Thing:

On my journey home today, the plane had just landed in Las Vegas and we were 15-20 minutes early. Seemed to be a recurring theme for my trip, the pilot coming on and saying, “We’re ____ minutes early landing! Oopsie!” Yes, he really did say “oopsie.”

Anyway, so we’d just landed, and were early, except the pilot advised us that there had been a security breach in the terminal and none of the planes were leaving, so we didn’t have a gate.

I’d been “holding it” because I hate using the airplane bathrooms and had strategically rationed my liquids to make it to the airport’s restroom. However, facing an unknown indeterminate amount of tarmac time, the tempo in my bladder increased so that I couldn’t focus on anything but that. I waited a minute to observe the activity or, rather, the inactivity, at the five possible gates we were facing. I determined it would likely be awhile, so I got up to go to the bathroom.

The flight attendant looked askance at me, and I informed her that I needed to use the facilities. To which she replied, “Well, I can’t tell you no, but I do have to tell the guys (nodded her head toward the cockpit) that you’re in the bathroom.”

As if that would intimidate my bladder? I shrugged and said, “I have to go, soooo…” And in I went.

Now, let me tell you, there is nothing like trying to use an airplane toilet while under duress, knowing that the pilot and co-pilot know that there is a renegade passenger using the bathroom. For all I knew, if they got the go ahead to get to a gate, they might have to inform the tower that they can’t move because “we have a passenger using the facilities.” Wouldn’t THAT just be great. I’d have a black mark on my perfect bathroom scorecard.

It finally started, a little trickle, and then I realized that I had to go poop, too. In for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose. Not only am I the renegade passenger, but I’m the renegade pooper! Fastest poop I ever pooped, let me tell you.

Upon returning to my seat, I was pleased to note that the same amount of inactivity was occurring at the gates, so my flagrant fragrance of the facilities had not been broadcast to the persons beyond the front of my own plane. At least someone had had movement.

After my layover in Vegas, I did make it home safely and it goes without saying, I suppose, that it’s good to be home and able to use my own bathrooms.