Love & Loathe — 04/22/10


* Having a sore jaw after a dental cleaning. Never used to have post-cleaning jaw pain until after the dentist yanked and pulled and yanked a wisdom tooth out six years ago. Which is why you should always have a specialist do those types of surgeries, I’m thinking.

* When I spend my lunch time driving to a store to purchase something after having researched it online, only to learn that the product is only available online. It should have said so on their website! If I should choose to order it, I’d have to either pay shipping, or spend $50 to get free shipping. Oh, I think not! I will go to your competitor and buy it and NOT pay shipping.


* In the past week, I’ve had extreme swimming weather. Saturday and Sunday I had my first “under the sun” swimming of the year, and then Wednesday evening I had “swimming in the rain” weather. Both are all kinds of awesomeness, as far as I’m concerned and makes for a very happy Jammie J.

* Francine Rivers. She’s the author of the Mark of the Lion series I wrote about in last week’s post. I’ve now read another of her other books, and got another one in the mail which I can’t wait to start reading. I love how well-researched her books are and well-developed her characters are. Such a thrill to read quality books.

* Bringing laughter and joy to the lives of the people I work with. I love feeling like I’m making a difference to their lives.

* Getting “real” mail in my mail box. In this virtual world we all seem to have embraced, getting a real piece of mail is a nice reminder that people do still know how to put pen to paper.

One Last Thing:

Lately I’ve felt so quiet inside. Not surprising, I suppose, given how much noise has been clamoring inside of my head so far this year. All the teeter-tottering emotions of fearing a miscarriage and, conversely, trying to accept that whatever will be, will be.

And then the miscarriage happened… and when I finally had Miracle, it was as if I instantaneously felt … empty.

Empty and quiet. It was over. Irrevocable. No other outcome was possible.

And now I feel quiet. It’s not depression or sadness, not really. it’s more of a re-alignment of perspective. Ecclesiastes is one of my favorite books in the Bible, some say that King Solomon was depressed when he wrote it, but I personally feel as if he realized that the routine of our days and the focus on minutiae is all overly-dramatic and can be all-consuming, if we let it. Details and routines need to get done, but when it all comes to an end, what we’ve worked on for our souls, our spirituality, is what really matters.

And for now, life continues. My boss gave me an effusive thank you for helping him get organized. The details and minutiae of his job had overrun his office, and I helped him tame it… an ongoing project, to be sure, but the thank you made me smile inside all the way home. Even while stuck in traffic.



Filed under Kid Quest, Love/Loathe, Money Hump Building

21 responses to “Love & Loathe — 04/22/10

  1. tony

    Silly sweetie, Happy Friday!!! I love weekends with you we always have sooo much fun together even when we just stay home, hehehehe
    :mrgreen: love you cutie

  2. You are one of my favorite people in blog-land, and maybe even in real life. For some reason, this post reminded me of that.

    I’m not a big fan of Christian fiction, but I did read Francine Rivers’ “And the Shofar Blew” several years ago and enjoyed it immensely. Thinking I might try another one of her novels before long–I’ve spent too much time reading heavy nonfiction lately and could use a break of some well-written fiction!

    Hope you and Tony have a good weekend! Love you!

    • Wow… I feel honored. Thank you for such a wonderful compliment. I’m truly touched.

      Also, thank you for the recommendation. I’m suspicious that I’ll be reading all of her books now that I’ve discovered her. That’s kind of my method of madness when I find an author I like. πŸ™‚

      Love you, too. xo

  3. Redfred

    πŸ™‚ I agree with the above, you are a good read…

    As for your final thought, feeling empty is part of the process, a sucky part but part none the less. I don’t know if you knew but we lost three on the way to our 5 girls, it’s very painful to go through but you do get through it and the future is still full of promise.

    • Awww, thanks. πŸ™‚ I can’t believe you guys keep coming back year after year. πŸ™‚

      I didn’t realize that I would know when it was over. Actually, I didn’t know a lot of things. I had no idea there was so much stuff in there to protect the baby, first of all. I lost track of how much stuff came out… it went on for 2 1/2 weeks, I think? I thought it was over when I had those two days of immense contractions. But it was 10 days later when Miracle came out. When that happened (finally), it was an instant feeling of just knowing that was it. Immediate feeling of emptiness. And I fought that word because it’s so cliche, but it’s also so true.

      I didn’t know you guys had lost three… I’m so very, very, very sorry.

  4. tricia

    Oh girl. I love coming here and reading. You live with such grace : )

    • Thanks, that’s a very high compliment. Interesting, because grace is part of what I pray for every day… grace to get through each day, to serve out of love and to be a blessing to someone each day.

  5. py

    This that you have written stayed in my mind: “when it all comes to an end, what we’ve worked on for our souls, our spirituality, is what really matters.” I have something to learn from you: To live life with grace and courage.

    • Have you ever read the book of Ecclesiastes? I highly recommend it. It is full of such wisdom and observations about life. But like with any book, one must read the entire thing for the full meaning, not just a single chapter. You can find it online here:

      Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

  6. Angi

    I was just going to suggest And the Shofer Blew by her! It is an excellent book. Seriously, read it, actually all her books are amazing πŸ™‚

  7. grrrace

    Sometimes quiet is good, though… πŸ™‚

    Love you, honey.

    I’m glad we’re friends. πŸ™‚ xox

    • Hmmmm, quiet isn’t so good when you’re trying to author a blog. πŸ™‚

      I’m so very glad we’re friends, too. I am thankful every day for you.

      Love you. xo

  8. I’m with you on your Lorthes and your Loves…!
    I dearly miss swimming and I love when you write about it because it reminds me how “Zen” it was for me…..
    Quiet inside….is a great way to feel, dear Jammie…!
    Enjoy every minute of it.

    • One of my greatest joys is swimming, I really wish you were able to swim. But since you aren’t, I am happy to share my joy about it. Zen, yes, especially when I find that perfect rhythm and get in the zone. πŸ™‚


  9. LOATH….OY! How did I get to an “r”…??? LOL!

  10. py

    Wow. Thanks for your recommendations.

  11. Glad you are working out in your job, hope it is as fun for you as you are for your boss.