Monthly Archives: September 2009

Broken Week.

Early in my career, I worked for a large baseball card & sports memorabilia company as the EA to the head of their in-house legal department. The CEO’s assistant, a woman who was in her mid-to-late 40’s, had been with him forever. Her name was Millie. They were like an old married couple, except on a professional platform. They had their routines, they knew each others likes and dislikes. She had his back, and he had hers — no matter what. They trusted each other. They knew they were going to be together forever.

I envied them that, because that is what I want.

That is actually what I had there with my boss, now that I think about it. But circumstances out of our control came into play that caused my boss, and later me, to move on. He was the best boss I ever had.

That is the type of relationship I’ve sought at every job, there and at every job since, thinking I’d found it every time. And, finally, I thought I’d really found it at this last job… it sure seemed like it. In a nutshell, I suppose, that explains why I’m so hurt and disappointed. My expectations weren’t met. Isn’t that where we always get into trouble? We have expectations that aren’t met? (sigh) I’ve had some frustrations this week with the company in getting things finalized, but it all came together today in the mail, so it looks like it’s really over.

I contacted all my prior bosses (excepting the most recent one) this week to request that they act as references and all but one of them got back to me, each giving an “of course,” along with kind words and assurances… talk about giving support when I need it.

On Wednesday night I was working on a project for Tony and the video card on my longtime laptop, the one I purchased in 2002, went out. The hard drive is fine, it’s just that I can’t see to do anything… my window into its soul has been darkened. Most everything on there has been backed up, so there shouldn’t be any loss of data, but I’d like to double check. Dear Vince has a couple ideas up his sleeve to help me out. Shout out to Vince!

This morning, I noticed Mr. White (my male fish) had a weird red thing in the bottom of his tank and a bunch of strange things floating around. He seemed happy and was playing with the weird red thing, but … I hadn’t put a weird red thing in there. So I grabbed the long tank tweezers and pulled it out. That was when I realized, with some shock and definite horror, that it was the innards of the tank thermometer. I looked at the side of the tank where it should be and the glass casing was there, but broken off at the bottom. Immediately I thought, “OH NO! MERCURY! HE’S GONNA DIE!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!” Because everyone knows that rampant mercury is like a silver stream of death!! But after an emergency phone call to Fish Whisperer, who reassured me that the fish is gonna be OK, mercury is more toxic to humans (if it gets in the blood stream), than it is to fish and no one is going to die. He said to leave Mr. White in the tank and do a 50% water change. So, I did that with a water vacuum and searched for glass bits and changed his tank’s filter. I examined the pieces of the broken thermometer and realized that the mercury is still intact (phew!!), but the red stuff that’s at the bottom of the thermometer had gone somewhere… dissolved in the tank, maybe? What is that red stuff anyway?

Mr. White has gashes on his sides because he, being the masochistic fish that he is, was happily slamming himself up against the broken thermometer. But he seems to be OK — active, and was actually pretty pissed that I took his toys away from him. Can’t have a pissed fish, so I put an artificial blue spiky plant in there that his dad used to love to beat up and I poked holes in a ping pong ball, soaked it in really hot water for a few minutes to sterilize it, and then sank it in his tank. He’s been having the time of his life this afternoon moving “fish safe” toys.

The blue, spike plant (Notice Mr. White in the lower right corner, moving the plant by “flashing” his body and flinging all the rocks around?)

While those gashes heal, I’ll be doing daily water changes. Good thing I have a little extra time these days, huh?

I figure if I can make it just a few more hours, the Broken Week will be over and we can move on to Recovery Week, right?

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Filed under I feel Sad, Kid Substitutes, Money Hump Building

No Love & Loathe…

I was planning to write my weekly Love/Loathe/One Last Thing but, bummer for you, I have much more to say than bullet points.

I keep waiting for the panic to set in, the panic related to “Oh my God, I’m jobless in the highest unemployment rate the country has ever seen!!” But so far it hasn’t. In the meantime while we wait for the panic, we’ll talk about the hurt over the way they handled my termination — my boss wasn’t even there! When I explained the situation to my Aunt Marjorie, she summed it up best with, “Sounds like a lot of skullduggery going on!” She went on to tell me, in the no nonsense manner she has, to “put some starch in your britches and don’t fall into depression like so many other people do when they lose their job.”

I surely do love my Aunt Marjorie. I come from some amazing survivors.

I cried a lot Monday night and Tuesday — and that’s OK. I think it’s OK to feel hurt. I think it’s OK to grieve the loss, not only the financial loss, but the loss of so many friendships — people I truly adored working with each and every day. Dear God, that part of it really hurts. The handful of people who were around when I was terminated (you can’t hide much in cubicle land) were liberal in their comforting hugs, sympathy and expressions of shock — I think the adoration was mutual.

There’s something special about that company. Something I’ve never been able to quite lay my finger on and say, “That’s it! That’s where the magic is!” That company has managed to hire people who are genuine, helpful, incredibly talented, smart… every single person who works there is willing to be there for you if you need them. Sure they’re human, and there were day-to-day frustrations and irritations, but those were always, always dimmed by the overriding “magic.” I never experienced true, willing teamwork until I worked there and it was a daily gift.

I’ve tried to reach my former boss, but she’s “unavailable” and I suppose I would be, too, given that I’m sure she doesn’t want to deal with someone who she thinks is bitter and angry, when that’s what HR is for.

The thing is, I’m not bitter and angry… I’m hurt and I’d like to tell her that and hear what she has to say. But mostly, and perhaps oddly, I wish I could tell her that I’m thankful for the time I had there. I’m thankful that I had such a wonderful boss as her, and the other two gentlemen for whom I had the honor to work. She gave me the platform on which to grow my confidence and skills. She was gifted in assigning new duties to me — she knew I could do them, but never left me feeling like I was doing them alone. Her trust in my abilities and judgment, and her support of the business decisions I made, enabled me to heal from the antics of the boss I had at my previous job. She mentored and coached me in such a way that I never felt “less” when I wasn’t sure what decision I should make. She always, always greeted me with a smile and took the time to answer my questions, even when I knew she was having a rough day. There are so many other things I could list about her, but the bottom line is, those traits are not common finds in many executives, and for that reason, they were gifts. She is an incredible businesswoman.

And I guess that’s the thing. It is just business. This was a business decision she made on behalf of the company. She’ll take on my work, I’m sure, and will go back to working 18 hour days, the kind of hours no one should have to work. But she will, because she’s just that way.

Me, well, I’ve filed for unemployment, completed the termination paperwork, took the time to redesign my resume, contacted my references, and have already started the job hunt. On the extracurricular side, I’ve gone swimming during the daytime, gone to the San Diego Wild Animal Park (on a guest pass) with my friend, Grace, and helped Tony out with a couple of projects. Since I have the time, maybe I should go visit some of you guys? I’ve already teased my mom that I might come see her in South Korea! *grin*

So, yeah, termination sucks and I’m very sad, but it’s part of life. From here, the journey continues and I’m hopeful (right now) that the next job will be even better and I’ll be even more blessed. That hope is, in no small way, attributable to you guys, and my friends and family. All of y’all are my inspiration.

I am so blessed.

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Filed under I feel Hope, I have Family, I have Friends, I Left Home for Awhile, Mermaid Envy, Money Hump Building, Women Before Me