Category Archives: Kid Substitutes

Poor Fish Girl.

It’s kind of like watching an abusive relationship play itself out, right before my eyes. Except, it’s accepted, because it’s an expected behavior in their species. Mr. White is the abusive husband, and the females are his abused wives.

Cichlids are described as being “aggressive” and “not for beginners.”

The females routinely get knocked around, beat up, injured, and on Friday, murdered. Mr. White body slammed her so hard, she hit and lifted the tank cover, and flew out the back of the tank. She eventually ended up on the entryway tiles and died. Tony found her when he came home from work on Friday. He called me to tell me and later said it was one of the toughest phone calls he’s ever made.

I fed her that morning and didn’t know it’d be the last time I’d get to watch her eat.
(She’s on the left, “kissing” under the feeder ring…)

They’ve lived in this tank for 4 1/2 years and we’ve never had one of them come out of the tank. I know it can happen, I’ve been around fish enough to know that. But when I do my water changes, I leave them unattended for 5 or 10 minutes at a time, with the tank covers off, while I refill my water jugs, and they’re fine. Never had a problem. It’s a total fluke that this happened and such a senseless loss of life.

Shortly after I bought the tank in February of 2006, I came home to find one of the cats sitting on top of the cover. I noted to Tony that if that cat managed to somehow fall in, he would drown or electrocute himself — and kill everyone in the tank in the process. In response, Tony built a cover over the cover, so the cats couldn’t see to get up on top of the tank.

We were so intent on keeping things out, we had no idea we needed to reinforce the covers to keep the fish in. Tony did that this weekend.

The whole point of having the male (Mr. White) in the big tank is for breeding purposes, but it appears that Mr. White is sterile. So, I spoke to my Fish Whisperer, because I want him to keep a look-out for another Mr. Blue. Fish Whisperer said he’d help me look for a Mr. Blue, but recommended putting a mirror up against the tank while Mr. White is still in there. Apparently him seeing his reflection will make him think there’s another male in the tank, and that is supposed to soothe him. Or something like that. Even weirder is, Fish Whisperer was right — as usual. Within seconds of putting the mirror against the tank, he noticed it, he was afraid of it. Within a couple hours, he was contentedly checking himself out, hanging out with his reflection like it was a long lost buddy. Weird.

How does Fish Whisperer know this stuff?

I cried when I buried her on Friday, the female Mr. White murdered. She was one of four albino fry that I hand-picked to keep and raise (out of the 300 baby fish born four years ago). She was the one who, when I introduced a new food, took all of it in her mouth and took off for the corner of the tank, swallowing and swallowing, hogging it all to herself. She was the smallest of them all, and yet when I held her in my hands to bury her, I realized the tank must distort their size, for she was much larger than I had thought she was.

And isn’t that the way of life and death… when someone dies, the loss is always larger than you think it will be.


(Look below the momma fish at the rocks. Look closer. It’s not all rocks, there are baby fish there, one of those was the one who died on Friday.)

Growing up… still babies, though.

She is in the forefront, swimming alongside Mr. White…

I still have the two females who I isolated in a hospital tank (they each had a fish equivalent of a human black eye), they are looking much better and I’m hoping to put them back in the big tank in a week or two. I type that with a dose of optimism and confidence that I’m a little leery about feeling, just so you know.

*All images in this post can be clicked and enlarged.

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Filed under Kid Substitutes

Love & Loathe – 08/05/10

Loathe:

* That 2 of my cichlids are sick — an injury related illness compounded by a clogged filter. I isolated them in a hospital tank, fixed the problem in the big tank, but much of my time this week has been consumed with water changes for their tank and the goldfish tank. Oh, the goldfish? Yeah, them too. But theirs is related to not fully eradicating a parasite that they brought home with them 2 or 3 months ago when we bought them. My obsession, beyond my normal obsession with this, is that I simply don’t want any more loss of life this year, not if I can do something to stop it.

* Gossiping. I’m typically not much of a gossiper, but for some reason I find myself being tempted to be drawn into it at work a lot these days. I really, really loathe that, and am constantly tamping down the desire to participate. Most days I’m successful, but some days I fail and I feel dirty.

Love:

* Miatas. It makes me happy to see another one driving on the freeway or down the street. I know, that’s such a surprise to you.

* Going to the county fair.

* My tiny little cactus bloomed this week. Love this little guy.

* I do love red nail polish, but this is my absolute favorite polish of all time. Of course, it’s been discontinued, so I use it sparingly as a treat to myself. It looks plain and unassuming until the sunlight hits it, and then turns it into glittering rainbows. I share this so that if you see me at a stoplight staring at my fingertips, you’ll know it’s not a wart that I’m ogling from all angles!

* Sorry to my vegetarian friends (look away now!!), but I love a good deal on meat. Here we have our Fred Flintstone steak, nearly 4 pounds of London Broil for only $6.30. The thing was HUGE, delicious and fed both of us for 3 meals.

* The new purse I bought at the fair. Tony went to get my camera out of it this week and told me it was a very confusing purse. Maybe it was the way he said it, but for some reason, that made me laugh.

One Last Thing:

Litter Robot (also known as the Death Star cat box in our home) was having a photo contest for cats. On a whim, I decided to submit some pictures, because we clearly have some of the most adorable cats on the planet. Yes, cuter even than yours. Plus, we could really use a free Litter Robot — with 5 cats, of course we could. Well, the cats could, as for me and my butt, we will be using the toilet.

Anyway, I just thought I’d share a few of the pictures I submitted, because I know you have nothing better to do than look at MY adorable cats! Here’s hoping we win.
(Click image to view slideshow!)

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Filed under Kid Substitutes, Love/Loathe

The Amazing Zucchini.

Last week, one of my co-workers brought in a bag of zucchinis. I saw them on people’s desks around the office and finally asked where they were coming from. It was as if the office were being invaded by enormous squash — and I wanted in on it!

I chose this thing out of a bag where there were larger ones, but I wanted one that I knew I could at least do some justice without wasting too much of it. Then the guy told me that he had another bag of larger ones in the trunk of his car. Can you imagine?

This is me, working out with it. We’ll call this Dumbbell Zucchini. At nearly 10 pounds (I wish I’d weighed it!), it was certainly something to brag about!

Lift it up:

Put it down:

Let’s give Tug (the cat) a zucchini smiley-face:

How about a telephone?

No! Don’t look into the Eye of the zucchini!

Here, Ripper and Slasher communicate through either end of it.

A zucchini rainbow?

Or an automatic zucchini feeder…

Or, I can just cut it up and eat it because you’re not supposed to play with your food. But, as any kid will tell you, playing with your food makes it so much better!

Who knew that one of the perks of my job would include 10 pound zucchinis?

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Filed under I feel Amused, Kid Substitutes, Weird is Fun

Don’t Fit In…

… or I have temporary ADD and can’t seem to put together a coherent post about one topic. So you get bullet points. I know, you’re thinking “Hey, that’s no different than your most recent posts!” And I’m here to tell you, it is too. Because I’m not using asterisks, instead you get two dashes for each new thought. So there. Don’t argue with me, you won’t win.

And now that we’ve settled that, here are things I’ve done in the last couple of weeks but don’t seem to fit in anywhere.

— I got a new cell phone. A Samsung Reality. Yes, mom, a Korean brand. It has a QWERTY keyboard and I feel like I’ve now upgraded to the Big Time (even though I didn’t get a data plan). Text messages? Bring ’em on, baby!

— I also got a 2nd computer (remember my other one’s monitor died just after I lost my job last year). I got a Gateway Netbook and I love it. It also has Windows XP, which makes me very, very happy.

— I upgraded the RAM in both my Netbook and my Notebook. My Netbook hadn’t even been turned on when I did it. After seeing how fast my Notebook booted (with Windows Vista, no less), I now cry out, “Why didn’t I do that sooner? WHY?” Vince even told me to, way back when it was new.

— Graham crackers are delicious. Who let me forget that?

— I colored my hair a golden brown color for summer. It’s pretty.

— Umm, I think yesterday marked one year with no usage of shampoo. I’m too lazy to check my archives, but I think that’s right. I also think that’s pretty cool.

— I got a Furminator for the cats. It appears that they think my hand has grown a purple cat tongue that grooms them. They now fly across the room when I open the drawer it’s kept in.

— Am I the only one who thinks it’s funny that I got a bit sunburned (slightly pink, not ouchy, ouchy burn) on Saturday when we went to Sea World, and now it’s raining outside? So, you know, here I am walking around all tan-like and there’s no sun.

— We saw Bill Cosby on Sunday evening. He’s 72 years old, married 46 years and is the only person I know who can bring a thousand people to hysterical laughter just by saying, “Aaaand then…” Worth every penny spent for laughing for two non-stop hours. Awesome.

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Filed under I Left Home for Awhile, I Stimulate the Economy, Kid Substitutes, Tidbits

Ownership of Human.

On Thursday night, we were relaxing and watching a movie or something. Maybe a Lakers game. Tony looked over at me and rolled his eyes and started laughing. Not at me, but at what was stretched on the lower half of me.

Look for yourself.

Have you ever seen anything so ridiculous?

LOOK at that, from my hips to my ankles, Tug is like a 30″ long heated blanket.

Relaxed or just really happy, or both. That cat spent all day trying to get on my lap. Meowing when I dared to get up and walk around or *gasp* leave the house to run errands. Oh my!

Here’s a closer view… look at that paw of his, all stretched out.

Right now, this moment, he’s on my lap with his head awkwardly perched in the crook of my elbow while I’m typing. Dude’s got some serious possessiveness going on these days. He’s gonna freak when I go back to work.

Speaking of which, my six months of unemployment pay is running out in a couple weeks. I can’t believe it’s been six months since my position was eliminated. That boggles my mind. I’m guessing there’s some sort of extension or something that I can get, since I can’t seem to get a job? I mean, hell, I had a half price sale on me and I still didn’t land the job. Sheez. I can’t seem to find anything about how to apply for the extension on California’s EDD website and everything in the news about unemployment is all about the extended benefits for the 1.2 million who are unemployed that is running out this weekend. Which I don’t think applies to me, not yet anyway.

That’s been the worry gnawing on my mind for the last couple of days, and Tug’s been doing his very best to squash it with all of his warm fur and neediness and charm me into staying home with him.

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Filed under Kid Substitutes, Money Hump Building

Love & Loathe — 12/22/09

Loathe:

* Fish freak outs. I mentioned that our little tank of guppies and tetras is infected with ick, which is a parasite that attaches itself to fish and infects their little bodies and eventually their gills and is just a terrible way for fish to die. I called my Fish Whisperer for reinforcement because we’re losing the little ones left and right.

He made an off hand comment to “make sure your big tank doesn’t get infected.” I laughed it off, because I use a smaller vacuum for the little tank and a big vacuum for the big tank. Plus, I sterilize all the tools with beyond-boiling-hot water after every tank change. But then… I realized that I had just used the small vacuum to clean my cycle tanks and did I sterilize? I don’t know, can’t remember, am sure I did, but do I want to take the risk? And what about the goldfish tank?

So, I spent a couple hours last night sterilizing all the tank tools, siphoning out and refilling the cycle tanks, changing the filters, turning the heaters up to 88°… GAH! GAH!! Damn parasites. *takes deep breath*

Love:

* My fish. Otherwise, all the stress I go through for them wouldn’t be worth it.

* That my mom may be arriving here this afternoon.

* Crockpot beef stew… I made some for my mom’s anticipated arrival yesterday. She can have some tonight instead. I believe there is nothing that says “I love you” after a super long trip better than homemade beef stew.

* King Leo Dark Chocolate Crunchy Peppermint Patties. I found these in the Walgreens in Iowa last week. True to form, I found something I love and, of course, they are a specialty, seasonal candy and not every Walgreens has them. Walgreens, you’ve been warned, the hunt is on.

* I spent way too much time on Sunday painting my nails like candy canes. Not perfect, but I love them.

* Our bird spent hours just hanging out and cuddling with us this past weekend.

* Squirrels eating peanuts.

* Birds on a wire. I don’t know why, but I love this. Probably wouldn’t be wise to park under them, though.

* Experiments. So, I told you I bought green bags and that so far I’ve been really impressed with them? I decided to conduct an experiment with a carrot. I put a carrot in the bag the day I bought the green bags, which was the week of 11/10/09. Yesterday I took the carrot out, it hadn’t gone soft or bendy, but when I sliced it open, here’s how it looked. It had holes in half of it. Kind of cool, huh?

One Last Thing…

I guess I could go on and on this week. I apparently have a lot of things on my mind. But I’ll take this opportunity to wish you a Merry Christmas.

We hope your holidays are blessed beyond belief.

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Filed under Kid Substitutes, Longbits, Love/Loathe

This Week.

I had such a good visit with my aunt and uncle, it really was a blessing to see them. The only things I really wanted to do while there was visit my father’s grave and go to The Dodge House’s gift shop… and maybe wander through their little mall they have there. The rest of it, I just let my aunt set the schedule — it’s what she’s good at. Visiting them is kind of like going to camp, they set the schedule and it’s best for all involved if I just go along with it.

Because of the blizzard that went through there and dumped 12″ of snow the day before I arrived, it was impossible to find my father’s grave — something I hadn’t even thought about. So, we drove through the cemetery and waved in the general direction of where we thought it might be, and that was the best we could do.

The cemetery.

The gift shop at The Dodge House was having a 20% off sale, so that was a success. You know how I love sales.

On Monday, we had another weather day, so we canceled our lunch plans and stayed in. I asked if we could go through family photo albums, it seemed like a good cold weather thing to do. There were some really sweet moments, between sharing stories, thoughts and history behind the photos, I’d look up to see my aunt looking at me, observing me, as if she were searching for something. She would smile at me and I realized that she was seeing my father in me. She misses him. He shouldn’t have died so young.

The little boy in this picture is my dad, being held by his stepsister. Look at the car and the building in the background, interesting, eh?

Many of the pictures that she had of my childhood, or of family members who are now gone, were taken in her home. The thought fascinated me that her home really hasn’t changed so much throughout the years. Maybe the couch and chairs have been replaced, but they’ve been stationed in the same spot as their predecessor, giving the air of timelessness. I wouldn’t be surprised if even their phone number is the same as it was 40 years ago. But the people who come and go have aged and many have died. The pictures gave the misconception that if I walked out into the living room, I might really find my grandma sitting upon the couch by the Christmas tree.

In the chair, me and my brother. Somehow, I don’t think we’d fit in that chair together anymore, even if we wanted to.

I didn’t want to leave, but it is good to be home.

I followed up on an interview I’d had last week. I really wanted this particular job, they’re a really good company and have a great corporate culture. When I called, the HR person’s line went to voicemail, so I hung up and called the CFO, who I’d interviewed with. I learned a long time ago that following the rules (talking to the HR person) is usually unproductive. The CFO took my call, and I was sad to learn that they had chosen another person for the job. I told him I was disappointed, because I had felt that I had hit it off with him and everyone I had interviewed with. He validated my words, and then shared that they had made their decision based on budget (of course), but that I had made their decision really, really difficult, because they had really liked me… a lot.

He asked me if he could call me in the future if things didn’t work out with the person they hired. I told him I would be pleased to hear from him, because as a candidate, *I* don’t always base my decision on money, but I take into account corporate stability and personalities of the people for whom I work. I may find a job that pays me what I want, but if I’m not happy or the company goes under, then what do I have?

On a smaller scale, we have the misdelivered stamps-by-mail order issue that was finally resolved after several emails and phone calls and a trip to my post office. They gave my stamps to someone other than me, that person kept them, and it was looking as if I was going to have to dispute the charge with my credit card company. But yesterday the post office agreed to re-ship the order, so I’m grateful for that.

Tony restocked his little fish tank with neon tetras and guppies, for awhile there was one lonely tetra in there. Poor little thing, all its tankmates died around him. We ended up with a bonus fish, a little ghost shrimp (I don’t know what it’s really called), that the girl at the pet store accidentally caught and put in the bag and rather than try to get him back out gave up and gave him to us for free.

As luck would have it, the ghost guy is out right now, so you get to see him. He’s facing the left of the picture…

The only experience I’ve had with ghost shrimp was when I was helping my friend move his fish store last year. One of my assignments was to catch and move as many ghost shrimps as I could find in their tank. It was a near impossible feat, because those little buggers are transparent and move fast! Anyway, we’ve been more fascinated with our free tank addition than the other ones. Of course, last night I noticed that two of the tetras have ick, so I started them on a course of ick medication. The one has it pretty bad, I hope he makes it through the weekend.

This weekend we’re off to the mountains, mostly to relax before the holiday craziness begins. We’re hoping we’ll see a little bit of residual snow from the storm that moved through last week. Compared to where I just was, I’m sure it’ll look like child’s play to me.

My mom arrives from South Korea on Monday for her first stateside Christmas in we-can’t-remember-when… and then the fun will begin!

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Filed under I have Family, I Left Home for Awhile, Kid Substitutes, Money Hump Building

Simple Life.

I’m sure you’ve guessed by now that I’m just really enjoying the simple ways in which I pass my time these days. For the most part, there are no complications from external sources. No strange undercurrents. Just the general concern of the timing of when I’ll land my next job, but I know that I will eventually. When the time is right.

While I love where I am right now, I also know that life has a way of changing rapidly when you least expect it. So if I’m in the midst of calm, then I should hold onto the experience as hard as I can and savor each moment, because experience has taught me that calm precedes chaos.

That being said, here’s a sample of a simple amusement in which I take joy.

My phantom cat, Snug, has always known that he is Tug’s cat. Never mine. I got him to entertain and amuse Tug, who as a kitten, was single-pawedly, destroying my house and rearranging my silverware. Snug is neurotic and intelligent, beyond the normal feline intelligence. He “tattles” on the other cats if there’s something amiss (when Tug escaped, for example), he figures out how to disassemble things (like pulling Christmas lights out with his teeth), and he can calculate precisely when the automatic scent dispenser will activate so that he isn’t sprayed (we use that to keep the cats off the kitchen table and from under the Christmas tree), among other things. When he looks at me, I feel as if I’m being mind-read by a cat. It’s disconcerting to say the least.

Anyway, lately he’s established a way to let me know that he wants to be loved on and held. It’s a course in feline to human communication via body language. This is how it goes.

First, he kneads his cat bed for awhile.

Continue reading

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Happy Halloween!

… and since you’re here, you can go ahead and wish me an early Happy Birthday, too. My birthday is tomorrow (the 1st), All Saint’s Day, because I’m a saint. Yes, I am!

I am, too.

Don’t argue.

Since it’s my Birthday Weekend and what I love to do is swim, I swam an extra long time this morning and plan to swim an extra long time tomorrow, which is the last day my community’s pool will be heated this year. Which means it’s the last day I’ll get to swim outside this year.

Last night we watched Charlie Brown and The Great Pumpkin, and carved our pumpkins. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to carve, so I carved two sides of my pumpkin.

A scary skeleton hand (that was hard to do)…

And a tombstone…

Tony carved Yoda on his pumpkin. That was pretty challenging, too.

No Halloween would be complete without showing you the pet’s costumes*, now would it?

Here we have Bug, our female cat. She was taking a nice mid-morning nap before I hauled her out of her nap cave for the photo shoot. She wasn’t too thrilled, and when we were done and I put her back, a paw came swiping out at me to let me know her true feelings about the whole thing.

Next up, we have Ripper. He, too, was sleeping but was more frightened about the whole thing than he was ticked. I would be, too, I mean HELP, THERE’S A SPIDER ON HIS HEAD!!

And then Slasher, who was lounging on the couch taking a nap. He was kind of tough to get a picture of with his costume. Count Catula (like a feline version of Dracula?).

Ohhh, and then we have Tug. My little Pumpkin. Yes, that’s an adorable pose, but I think the move was more designed to rid himself of that annoying head piece than it was to be cute.

Snug is a pillow this year. HA HA! Look, twins!

Last, but certainly not least, I managed to capture our birdy, Yoda, in the act of saving the world! Never mind that her cape is made of toilet paper. She doesn’t know that!

She’s getting ready to take off and save the world! Go Super Birdy!

Happy Halloween everyone!**

*No animals were harmed in the making of this blog post, only interrupted naps… what were they doing last night, anyway?

**Happy Birthday to me (tomorrow)!!

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Filed under I did something Special, I feel Amused, Kid Substitutes

When it Rains.

We bought Boney Barney on clearance three years ago after Halloween. We took him out of storage in 2007, but forgot to set him up with our Halloween decorations, and when we were putting stuff away, he kind of got missed. Happens to the best of us, decorations from holidays past get to sit out all year long. So he sat there in the dark garage off to the corner all by himself.

Then one night it was raining when I got home from work.

Normally I cover my car in the garage because, if I don’t, the cats use it as their personal ski area and hammock, any time of the day or night.

When it rains, I don’t want to get my car cover wet or damp, so I use a car squeegee. I have issues, I know. It’s OK, though, that’s why I’m a member of the Miata Club. I’m validated there. We all clean our cars before we go on runs, but it’s not an uncommon sight to find people giving little details of love to their cars while we wait for the run to start.

Anyway, back on topic. So, one night it had rained and there was my car, sitting there vulnerable to feline abuse. I happened to glance over and see Boney Barney sitting there in the dark. As surely as it happens in cartoons, a lightbulb lit up over my head.

For you see, Boney Barney is motion activated and when he gets activated, he says in a guttural voice the following things:

“Oh my achin’ bones, this after life isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. But I can drink all the antifreeze I want now. Hehehe.”

“Hey, what’d you wake me up for? I was just having the best nightmare. All the cats in the world were turned into zombies and they ate their own litter! *howl*”

“My favorite sounds are sloppin’ worms, mushy brains, blood & guts, squishy fish, squashing bugs, rats in traps, crackling bones and dyin’ cats. *howl*”

*howl* What can I say? I ain’t got much bite.”

“I like to eat bugs & maggots & dead rotting meat, and drink soiled water that tastes like feet, give me a scabby dead rat any day, served up better with stink & decay! *BELCH*”

“*howl* What’s for dinner? Stinky salmon, rancid roadkill, bug stew or my favorite, barfed up buzzard guts! Mmmmmm. *belch*”

boneybarney

We’ve tried the ScatMats, which I’ve had for years and years (my previous cat was kind of dumb), but these cats of ours have simply learned to stay off the spots the mat is placed, doing the perimeter dance with squinty eyes, leaving lovely tracks in the shape of the mat with their delicate paws. They’ve figured out that as long as they don’t touch ’em, they don’t get shocked.

And so it is that Boney Barney gets a stage for his talents whenever it rains, and lately most anytime. Pretty exciting for just a boney dog. At least he thinks so. The cats aren’t thrilled with it, in fact, they’re somewhat frightened of him. Truth be told, that’s kind of the idea, since they’re not supposed to be on my car anyway.

Earlier this month, Tony called me and with a note of despair in his voice said, “They changed Boney. The ones in the store this year say boring and PC things.” He was so sad, as am I. Because I was planning on buying two more when they went on clearance, one for the trunk of my car and one for the kitchen table.

Despite our disappointment, I still might.

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Filed under I Stimulate the Economy, Kid Substitutes