Mother’s Day

Last year on this day I intentionally spent the day alone, avoiding people, because I was two months pregnant and afraid that I wouldn’t make it to the end of the pregnancy with a living baby.  I didn’t want to be wished a happy mother’s day, because I didn’t feel like a mother.  I felt like a fraud.

It’s a weird place to be, when you’ve had a miscarriage and have struggled with infertility, it steals the joy that hope offers for a miracle.  You learn not to expect anything, that way if it doesn’t become a reality, you’re not overly disappointed.  Or at least that’s what I told myself.

This year I am sensitive to the fact that there may be women out there who in their heart are already a mother but they may not have the baby that their heart dreams of holding.  I wish I could make every mother’s dream come true.  I wish every mother could be as happy as I am.

Even on my worst day when I’m at my wits end, which honestly doesn’t happen that often, it’s the best day of my life because this world is where William lives.  I hear his laugh, his squeals, even his screams of joy.  I see his smiles, I feel his super soft, chubby skin, I stroke his hair, I feel him nursing… and even with all that, I can still hardly believe that I get to actually hold every day and night in my arms the tangible result of the dreams of my heart.

Happy Mother’s Day.

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10 Comments

Filed under I feel Glad, I feel Hope, Our Kid is Cute

10 responses to “Mother’s Day

  1. What a Beautiful post, Jammie….A VERY HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to You, my dear…!
    I’m so Happy for you and Tony…! Little William is such a guft, isn’t he?

  2. sidewinder

    Happy first Mother’s Day! Hope you guys did something special to celebrate!

  3. Lynne

    After your arms and womb have been emtpy for so many Mother’s Days, it’s hard to comprehend that they no longer are. I couldn’t help but feel extra sentimental and emotional on my first Mother’s Day in 2010. 2 years later, that deep knowledge of just how blessed I am and how lucky I am to have my son is never far from my heart – especially on Mother’s Day. Becuase I remember all too well how painful that day was for so many years.

    I am beyond thrilled that you got your miracle and that your William is here. I can think of no one else who deserves the richest blessing of this day than you, sweet Jammie. Enjoy it. Soak in the joy and peace. And get another snuggle. FOr the rest of your life, they are yours to enjoy.

  4. Tony

    Love you sweetie and our beautiful baby boy. XXOXXO
    :mrgreen:

  5. grrrace77

    I didn’t get a chance to comment. Happy, happy (late) mother’s day… I am so happy for you and Tony. You have a beautiful little guy. Can’t wait to see him again. 🙂