Category Archives: Kid Substitutes

My cell phone buzzed this morning unexpectedly. I reached to answer it and was greeted with, “Hi, my name is Kim with Mercury Insurance. I’m calling this morning to verify your homeowner insurance application… do you have a minute right now?”

I applied blusher to my cheek, “Uhhh, sure.”

She informed me that the call might be monitored for quality assurance. Good times, I’m used to that from my previous jobs.

Fun questions like, do I have family members or boarders living with me (long term, I assume)? How about whether or not I have living space in my garage. Is my house bolted to the foundation? What is my job title and how long have I been doing that kind of work? Or whether I have a housekeeper or gardener. All the fun questions were wrapped up with, “Do you have any pets?”

“Yes.” I replied, as I moved my mascara wand away from Tug’s helping paw.

“What kind are they?”

“I have cats and fish.”

“Okay… how many cats?”

“Five.” There was a pause.

“How many fish, do you know?”

Thank goodness I’ve taken a break from my fish breeding, it might be a bit awkward to say, “Oh, around 200 or so…” Instead, I replied, “Oh, 12 or 13, I guess … why, do you think they’re gonna run off with the house?”

She laughed and said, “No, I don’t know, they just have me ask that.”

“It’s okay,” I said, “Those fish, they’re troublemakers, every one of them. They just might, you know.”

We laughed and finished the call. What she didn’t know is, I was totally telling her the truth!