Monthly Archives: August 2013

Owning Motherhood.

At last night’s early morning nursing, William was super sleepy and got the initial let down and then backed off his latch and intermittently pacified.  After a few minutes, I switched sides with him, and the same thing… so I unlatched him and his breathing deepened and I lifted him back into his crib.   He laid there for a second and then sat up and said, “Nooo-hoo-hooo!  More Nah-nahs, please?”  So, I lifted him out and he latched again, but didn’t nurse, and instead went back to sleep.

All those times when he was a newborn and the world went silent when he was placed on my chest, all he wanted was just to be near me or on me, that’s what I was reminded of.  So, as tired as I was, I willingly held him close and treasured this blessing that I held in my arms.  This blessing that I used to fervently pray for when I woke in the middle of the night, and every waking moment when my mind rested on the desire for a child.  I devoured the Bible, searching for stories about infertility and the promises God made to those families.  I searched the Internet for answers, countless times.  I became a self-made expert on infertility.

And now here he is.  In my arms.  I still can’t believe it.

I thought about how his arms and legs have magically lengthened from scrawny baby frog legs to chubby baby thighs to sturdy toddler legs.  How is he in his twentieth month of life already?  As I think about that, he pulls his legs up to his tummy, so now it feels like I’m holding a 33 pound newborn in a nursing position.  I smile to myself.  He sighs in contentment.  I stroke his hair, shortened by a recent hair cut.  This comfort that I give him is free to me to give.  The only cost is sleep.  I can sleep in a few years… when his need isn’t urgent.   So, I waited and thought about all these things.  Eventually, I gently unlatched him, and then lifted him back into his crib.

The choices that I make… a willingness to comfort someone over sleep.  I feel like I am owning motherhood.  That makes me happy.

**Note: Please disregard any ad that WordPress displays in my posts.  They want $30/year to discontinue it. Not going to happen.



Filed under I feel Glad, I have Family, I Pray A lot, Our Kid is Cute

Letter to our 20 month old.

Dear William,

On August 8, 2013, you turned 20 months old.

You are weighing in at 32 pounds 6 ounces, and measuring 36″ tall.

No new teeth this month, just your canine teeth continuing to grow in.  I’m suspicious your two year molars are intermittently starting to move, because there have been a couple days when you’ve had your hand shoved WAY back in your mouth pressing on your gums.

It’s impossible to keep track of your new words.  You’re currently working on your pronunciation and sentence structures…  it is so cool to finally know what is going on in your brain.  When you have trouble falling asleep, I now know why — you’re reliving your day, from stories at the library to seeing the new baby in the neighborhood.

Nursing continues to be a source of comfort to you, it’s also a time for me to connect with you.   Sometimes we play and laugh, other times we just close our eyes and enjoy the focus time.
Food, you are doing well this month.  You have an adventurous spirit and are willing to try anything we put on your plate. Sometimes you make a face, but you eat it anyways.  Other times you gobble it up and ask for “more, more!”


You continue to be a consistently deep sleeper at night.  Sometimes, though rare, you do awaken but usually only one time and nursing puts you right back to sleep.  Your day time sleep is not consistent, though, and it’s a bit maddening for me.  One day you’ll take a 2 hour nap, the next day you’ll wake after 45 minutes or an hour.  Then there’s the (very) rare day that you aren’t able to settle down for any nap at all, and so we end up skipping it altogether.


July 13th, we went to Legoland and spent most of our time there at their waterpark
July 14th, you went down a slide at the playground all by yourself for the first time, and then got off and ran around to the start again… saying “Fun!” the whole time
July  20th and 21st, we went to our mountain cabin.  We had a really nice time, but you didn’t sleep very well. Neither did I for that matter. There was a huge thunderstorm Saturday night that kept me awake.  I think you had trouble sleeping because you’re too long for the Pack-N-Play and are unable to stretch out.
July 27th we had breakfast with your Godparents and they gifted you with a bunch of rubber snakes and frogs and geckos.  You LOVE them.
August 3, we had breakfast at Ruby’s in Tustin (after family portraits were taken) and they have trains there.  It was so much fun!


You are enrolled in Music Together classes every week and you really love attending them.  You are doing better about staying with me and not roaming the class.  If you do need to roam, I instruct you to “stay in the group” and if you roam outside of it, I pull you back in.

Gymnastics classes are either on Thursdays or Saturdays.  If on Thursdays, your Grandma D. takes you, if on Saturdays, your father and I take you.  You are doing better every week… you look forward to them and say, “Monkey Class” (the mascot is a monkey) the entire drive there and as you walk up to the door, yet when class starts (up until the most recent class) you would cry through the first 5 minutes of it.  Not sure why… the only thing I can say is if we do something like this again, I think either your father or I will be sure to take you to your first couple of classes until you’re more comfortable and settled in.

Your Grandma D. is really good about taking you to the local park and letting you play with all the kids and equipment there.  She has also taken you to a few “trial” gymnastics classes out in another city, which we think has helped you settle into your Monkey Class.

You have really come to love books, even more than in months past.  You would happily sit on someone’s lap and look at books for hours.  I’m hoping that this love of yours continues.


How, one morning after your wake up nursing session, instead of saying “Go see Daddy!”  You said, “Go see MIckey Mouse!”  I was so startled, but you did indeed want to go see the stuffed Mickey Mouse that we take your monthly pictures with… and every morning since then, you want to “Go see Mickey Mouse!”  You like to sit up next to him and check his diaper for poopy.  One morning you claimed, “Uh oh.  Poopy!”  “Go change Mickey Mouse diaper!”  So off we went and changed his diaper.  How your  Godmother gave you a whole bunch of toys that her daughter used to love, including some rubber snakes and geckos and frogs.  I put them out in your water table and I knew the second you found them, “Oh Gosh!  Oh my Gosh!” was your reaction.  They have now taken over our backyard, they swing with the princess, they sit on the chairs, they hang out in the doorways, they “walk around.”  I love how imaginative you are!  How sweet you are when you ask, “Water on, please?” in the bathtub because you want to “Wash car!”  “Wash truck!”  The way you melt your head into my shoulder when I ask you to give me a hug… your hugs are the best thing in the world.  How even when you’re super tired, and this.close to a meltdown, you’re still the sweetest boy in the whole world.

One day this past week I had a dentist appointment.  The office is near our home and I intentionally scheduled it so it would be finished just near your naptime.  I hurried home, I couldn’t wait to see you.  You knew exactly what I was there for, to nurse you for your nap.  All the way up the stairs, your pleas of “nah nahs!” echoed.  And I put you in your bed while I got situated and you said, “Night night, Grandma. Sweet dreams.”  And my heart melted, even though Grandma was downstairs and couldn’t hear you, I shared with her later and tears came to her eyes.

You are pure sweetness.  Sweet William.

20 months old




Filed under Letter to William, Our Kid is Cute

Simple Pleasures.

Today I am grateful because…

The tree trimmers came and trimmed this tree last week. They did an amazing job and there were barely any leaves dropped in our backyard from their escapade.

A fun multi-colored pen I bought for work that no one but me wants to write with.

My Carsland button collection is complete.

I love my fuschia plants …

My blueberry bush has been bountiful this year.

My plumeria tree bloomed this year.

My favorite Mexican restaurant we eat at sometimes on Thursday evenings.

Chocolate cream cheese cake for a birthday at work.

My son greets me with a smile (always) and flowers (sometimes) when I get home.


Filed under I feel Glad, Wordless (mostly) Post