For a Friday, usually my most favorite day of the week, this one was officially the longest day of my life. Ever. Even now, it seems like it should be halfway through Saturday already.
I’m pretty sure I went to work today. I remember something about working. I also remember taking a brief lunch break and the weather being so hot that I broke a sweat and was thrilled to get back inside to the freezing cold air conditioning.
I painted my fingernails green for today (as they were most of March) and wore the same socks today that I wore on the day of the embryo transfer… lady bugs. Ridiculous superstitions, I know, and I felt silly wearing socks on a day forecast to be in the high 80°s F. I also have a hate relationship with one of the two elevator carriages at work, and when the slow, creaky one arrived to pick me up, as it nearly always does, I sent it to the top floor of the building and pressed the button again to get the fast, speedy elevator. Again with the superstition. Is it funny to admit that I almost taped the picture of my embryos on my belly this morning before I left for work? I was going to do everything in my power to make this a good day.
My doctor’s office was super busy this morning and I was called back about 10 minutes late… for just a blood draw. The “late” thing is a very rare occurrence at this doctor’s office, just one of the many reasons I love them so much there.
Before she drew my blood, the nurse reviewed my chart, verified dates, confirmed information and asked if I had tested at home. I told her, truthfully, tearfully, that I had not. The blood draw was quick, painless, and she hugged me when she was done and I felt like a little kid with a huge owie. An owie that no one seems to be able to fix, because it’s inside my heart. She smiled and told me optimistically, “We’ll call you with the good news.” I think I grunted in reply. I held it together as I dropped my chart at the front desk, said goodbye to everyone who was saying “Good luck!” and then I got in my car, and I sat there, with my head leaning on the steering wheel and sobbed. Defeated. I knew the test would come back negative, the bleeding I’ve been having is too much for it to be anything else. This test is just a formality.
My doctor has a very regimented schedule and I know, generally, when he calls with lab results. He does all his active cycling lab results between 11-12 and, last time, when our previous IVF cycle failed, he called around noon with the sad news. Today, noon came and went, but I knew he’d had a ton of appointments that morning, so he was just probably running late on his calls.
I was nervous, my palms were sweating, I was anxiously cleaning my desk and filing emails away in my email box. Trying to fill my time with busy work that requires no brainwaves, because my brainwaves were focused on that damn phone that wasn’t vibrating. When my phone did finally vibrate at 12:23 PM, I jumped and nearly hyperventilated. My boss had left for a lunch appointment, so I stepped into his office and closed the door before answering. There was a pause, and my doctor said in a tone that sounded half amused and half insulted, “JD. Were you not going to take my call?” I laughed and said, “Well, I thought about it for a second or two.” He laughed and said, “You are an honest one, aren’t you?” My brain had just started to process the fact that he was casual and not conciliatory, when he said, “JD…” and then, seemingly, every person in his office yelled over the speakerphone, “YOU’RE PREGNANT!”
Between the crying and shaking that took over my body, I couldn’t seem to write or function. I did manage to squeak out, “You’re sure? This isn’t an April Fool’s joke, right?” He said, “Awww, honey, no. We would never, ever do that. This is real. You are pregnant.” I didn’t cry on December 7, 2010, when he told me that cycle had failed, but I completely lost it at that point. Sobbing, I told him he was going to have to hang on a minute while I caught my breath, I sobbed and shook, and he helplessly tried to hug me through the phone with his words.
Finally, through gasps and tears, I said, “OK, you know I’m a numbers girl. Give me my numbers…” I could barely write, and then he started giving me instructions and I finally told him that he needed to call my husband with that information, because I couldn’t stop shaking. I’m looking at the post-it note that I attempted to write the information on, and it looks like an 85 year old arthritic woman took over my hand and brain. It’s not even complete information. Unbelievable.
What that note is supposed to say is, my HCG level is 117. That is a really good number for 11 days past a 3 day transfer (or 11DP3DT). My progesterone levels are a bit low (at 18). No surprise to me — my progesterone levels are ALWAYS low. Which would also partially (hopefully) explain all the scary “normal” spotting I continue to have, so we’re upping the dosage. Now my husband gets to give me two progesterone shots a day — 1cc in the morning before he leaves for work, and 1cc in the evening. The rest of the meds stay the same.
I go back tomorrow to stock up on our needle inventory, and then on Monday morning for a 2nd blood draw. They want to see the HCG numbers doubling every 48 hours, and they will want that progesterone level well over 25. Continued prayers are desperately needed. I spotted really bad before I left work tonight, so I’m putting myself on pelvic rest this weekend and desperately praying that the increased progesterone dosage will make the bleeding stop.
My husband and I prayed together last night for a Miracle, a healthy Miracle, one that we get to raise. We’ve got a long road to travel yet, and many hurdles to clear, before we’re out of the woods with this, starting one day at a time with shots, blood draws and prayers. Many prayers. Also, I think I need more lady bug socks.
But, for now, I am sending prayers of thanksgiving to the Giver of Life, because — HOLY CRAP, YOU GUYS — I’M PREGNANT!
Previous password protected posts on this topic:
http://wp.me/PnMHI-1cI-Night before Blood test #1
http://wp.me/PnMHI-1cg-Waiting and whining
http://wp.me/PnMHI-1bE-Night Before Transfer
http://wp.me/PnMHI-1bl-Night before egg retrieval
30 responses to “Update 04-01-11”
I am so happy! I totally squealed! 😀 hehehe. Still praying. But so, so happy. 🙂
I still can’t believe it. Oh my God.
What I didn’t factor in, when I told my doctor to call my husband, was the fact that he would be in shock, too, and crying, and not able to digest the information. I totally had to call my doctor back TWICE to make sure I had it all clear.
Oh my God!
I have NEVER EVER been this happy!!!!!! honestly I haven’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am reeling. Totally reeling. And freaking out — I hate this blood and spotting stuff — it’s terrifying.
I talked to the head nurse tonight (my husband was freaking out that we had only one needle left), and after we established that I’ll be in tomorrow morning for more needles, she said, “You didn’t see the doctor running and dancing down the hallway before he called you with the news, shouting at EVERYONE that you were pregnant!” LOL I love that.
You made me cry. With joy for you. I will continue to pray for you. I’ve been thinking about you all day and just HAD to check before going to bed. Congrats just doesn’t say enough. May God continue to bless you and Tony.
Oh, hell, are you kidding? I’m STILL crying. Of course, now, I can totally blame mine on hormones.
Oh my gosh, Vince, I just am in shock and keep thinking they’ll call back and say they made a mistake. Holy crap.
I am sitting here crying!! As I was mid way through reading this, my own miracle boy cried and I had to stop…but I had gotten as far as “YOU’RE PREGNANT!!” All I could do was rock my son and say thank you over and over and over in prayer. I could not be happier for you. You BET we’ll continue to pray. Oh sweetheart…I’m so happy for you. To Him who is abundantly able…we offer praise and ask for holy arms to carry you and the baby(s) through this wonderfu new journey! Oh ALLELUIA I’m so excited!!!
Please tell all your prayer warrior friends the good news — I cannot believe this. I’m so … ecstatic. So thrilled. I’m reveling tonight. Will worry again tomorrow. heh
Dear Jammie, here’s praying for you and the good health of you and the child that is developing inside you. May your hormone levels be adjusted to the perfect level for you to have a healthy period of pregnancy, and a smooth delivery.
In the meantime, a loving message for you.
Thank you, PY, you are so sweet to check in with your wonderful prayer and loving message.
Oh sweety! I am so thrilled for you. I have been waiting all day just knowing it would be good news. Grow babies grow! I sobbed and sobbed when I heard my son’s heartbeat. The doc actually asked if I was happy or not. I said of course I am happy and so overwhelmed with emotion. Your heart is right there in your stomach and I will just keep praying that your miracle comes to this earth safely and your heart will be full, just as it should be.
Are you kidding? My heart is totally in my uterus right now. *nervous laugh* I’ve been telling my husband for the last week that my mood is directly related to the status of my vagina — spotting=bad, all clear=OK.
It is Sunday night as I respond to your comment, and I’m still reeling in shock, thinking this can’t be real.
Woo hoo!!! You had me squealing, crying, and jumping up and down in a dance of joy! (Good thing I’m the only one at the office this Saturday morning.) Praying that God keeps your little miracle safe, healthy, and growing as He continues to knit that sweet baby in your womb. Also praying also for you and Tony to be strong and happy and relaxed throughout this pregnancy. I am so happy for you!!!!
*laughing* I love you, you know that? I’m surprised you didn’t do another head stand for this one.
Oh, thank you, Nina, for the prayers… relaxed? Relaxed? I think I need to go look that one up in the dictionary and start practicing. I’m not sure I know what that means anymore…
I am so, so thrilled for you and Tony! Prayers are still coming your way though! The stress of the last two weeks couldn’t have been healthy either, so maybe now your body will start to feel normal again for a while – maybe that will help with the spotting? (I don’t know, but I know that stress messes me up in so many random ways.) So deep breaths, lots of rest (and internet browsing – but stay away from medical sites, woman!) and know we’re all here as your own personal prayer circle and we love you!
*taking a deep breath* I have no idea and my doctor’s office seems mystified by the bleeding/spotting, but not terribly concerned. They think it has to do with implantation bleeding (although it’s an awful lot for that), and maybe some cervical irritation from all the activity. The head nurse gave me reassurance that my numbers are solid. We’ll know more this coming week.
I am Sooooooo Excited and Happy for you and Tony! HOOOORAAAY!!! This is wonderful, my dear—TRULY WONDERFUL!!!!!! Prayers will continue to come your way now and in the months to come, my dear dear Jammie.
Thank you! We appreciate it so much!
I got so excited, I forgot to answer your question…Garrett is the one on the left in that picture!
Awww. That’s sweet. 🙂
I went and looked at the picture again — he’s a handsome man! 🙂
Thank you for allowing me to share this with you! I am so happy and excited for you! I will be praying so hard for you and your little miracle! (((HUGS))) and love and prayers!
Thank you… *sniffle*
It means a lot to us.
I once had what seemed like a real period whilst pregnant… you’ve seen the pictures of George… he seems unaffected, so listen to them they know their stuff.
Big hugs… crossing everything for you…. living for when you say you’re passed twelve weeks….
I will feel a ton better (for at least a day…maybe) when we see a heartbeat.
P.S. I would do a headstand, but I can’t do them anymore because they make my eye blood vessels pop and I end up looking like I have a really bad hangover for six weeks. (But if you really wanted me to do a headstand, you know I would do it!)
Of course I know you’re not relaxed. If you were, I wouldn’t need to pray for it! Of course, I think “peaceful” would have been a better word choice, now that I re-read my other comment. So, I’m praying that you feel a sense of peace throughout all this!
Ohhh, no, don’t do a handstand. Just the thought of that makes me shudder and make a “just ate an aspirin” type face.
Hey, you know what? Just pray for narcolepsy, I think I’m well on my way to that anyway. Sleep = no thinking (mostly), right? ha
i TOLD you that you’d need stretchy pants!
thank me later.
Tiny, ALL my pants are stretchy these days. I stopped buying non-stretchy pants when I got old and turned 35. ha
Oh my Gosh!! Praise the Lord! I am so so so excited for you!!! I will add you to my prayer team as well. Love love love you much!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! The more prayers the better.
Love you much-er!!