Stalling Out.

*Warning — some may consider the following post to be TMI*

So, I’m sitting there in the Big Girl Stall at work taking care of business. For some reason, I was having trouble opening the tampon wrapper, neither end would open for me and I’d tried both ends several times. The more I rattled the wrapper, the more I realized I was probably making the woman in the other stall think I was unwrapping a candy bar or six while taking care of business.

I should preface the next part of the story by explaining the set up in the ladies’ bathroom at my work. It’s pretty standard in that, when you open the main bathroom door, the sink area is right there and then there are three stalls. The first two are normal stalls and the one at the end is a Big Girl Stall*.

When I entered the restroom, the stall closest to the sink was occupied, knowing that rule #2 of Public Bathroom Etiquette dictates that, if possible, there is to be a vacant stall between occupied stalls, I took up residence in the Big Girl Stall. Which, incidentally, is the furthest stall from the door and according to Public Bathroom Etiquette Rule #3, is the Poo Stall. To say I had a lot going on that morning is an understatement.

Anyway, as mentioned previously, things were not going well for me in The Big Girl Stall, but they were… shall we say, slowly getting there. My “candy bar” was unwrapped and other things were happening. The chick in the 1st stall (thankfully) finished her business and went out to wash her hands.

I heard the bathroom entrance door open and someone comment to the hand washing chick, “Ohhhhh, someone’s in MY stall. Hahaha.” (Great. Way to scare things to a stop.) They laughed together and then the bathroom door opened and someone left. It got quiet and I figured someone had left and the newcomer had entered the 1st stall.

Then I hear, “Uhhh, I have question for the person in the last stall…”

Ahhh hell. I was quiet for a moment, like, what could she possibly want with me. Because, man, I hate it when people talk to me in the restroom. I thought about ignoring her, but curiosity got the better of me, plus I could tell she was waiting for me to respond. So I responded with a drawn out, sarcastic sounding, “Y-e-s….???”

She wasn’t bothered by that, apparently, as she boldly asked, “Can you give me an ETA?”

I said, “Uhhh…” (What I should have said was, “WTF?”) She interrupted with, “You know, like how much longer are you going to be in there?” (Gee, thanks for the clarification…)

I didn’t answer for a moment and she elaborated, “‘Cause I can come back if you’re gonna be long…”

I finally said, “I don’t know, like a minute or two?” The thing was, I was irritated at myself for answering, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say but the truth. Later, of course, I realized I should have either gone with the most elaborate exaggeration — something like, “Hell, I dunno. Two or three hours? Cuz I got a lot of shiz goin’ on up in here…” or something harpy like “You know, there’s two other perfectly good toilets in here, why don’t you use one of them instead of trying to make me feel uncomfortable?”

The thing was, by the person’s voice/laugh, I think I know who she is and, if my guess is right, she is about 11″ shorter and 50 pounds lighter than me, and certainly not handicapped! She would fit just fine in one of the other stalls…

I told a few of my friends at work what happened, because I realized that even though it was really awkward, it was also really funny. Plus, I figure if it gets back to her, maybe she’ll think twice about being so rude? The best part of it was, that my friends all had input — one of them suggested that we should have a sign up list on the Big Girl Stall Door. HA! Another one suggested that we install a name plate holder and we each get a turn every day of putting our name plate on the stall door. Then we can truly say it’s “MY” stall.

How would you have handled the situation? Seriously, put yourself in “my” shoes (or stall) for a minute and give me your suggestion, because I fully expect the situation to recur. Plus, I’m just defiant enough that I’m thinking about homesteading that stall…

*Disclaimer: The Big Girl Stall is also know as the handicapped stall. I respect handicapped people and their needs, however, since we do not have any handicapped people who are presently employed there, and we rarely have visitors from outside who need the facilities, I (along with everyone else) consider that stall fair game.

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13 Comments

Filed under Money Hump Building, Weird is Fun

13 responses to “Stalling Out.

  1. I’m so glad I don’t work anymore! The last time I worked at a corporate job, I took the stairs to the 17th floor which was practically vacant. I always liked to brush my teeth after lunch and the bathroom on my busy floor was too stinky for brushing my teeth. Once I discovered the 17th floor everything was great. The last regular job I had, I was the only girl and had my own bathroom. The owners had their bathroom and the guys in the back had theirs. You always remind me of stuff.( Just to “share” – the only public bathrooms I can “use” are airport bathrooms. For some reason, I have no problem whatsoever in airports.) Does your office have other floors?

    Jammie replies:
    Unfortunately, the floor above us is occupied by another company who makes top secret sterilization products. There ain’t no getting into their toilets. At my old company, I used to go to the 1st floor bathroom because of the five women I worked with at the time, I hated one of them. The other one was a singer/talker. Another one was always worried why I didn’t seem happy (uhh, I hated the company). The 4th one just bothered me. The last one was a primper. So I just avoided the lot of them. I wished I had the secret power of invisibility. HA!

  2. Charmed

    Ok, now that is both hilarious, and rude at the same time. Since you practically know it wasn’t a handicapped person, WHAT WAS THAT CHICK’S DEAL?

    Sheesh doesn’t she know the mojo gets all messed up when someone is talking to you? There’s nothing worse than an interrupted private time in the potty. I know, mine are always interrupted. lol.

    I like the sign up sheet idea. Only do it hourly, so you get it for a full hour a day.

    Jammie replies:
    I found out today for sure that it was who I thought it was. She’s only been there a couple months, which, HELLO, YOU DON’T GET YOUR OWN STALL IN TWO MONTHS!

    She’s terribly OCD. Worse than me, even. She wore a white shirt one day and taped paper on her desktop so her sleeves wouldn’t get dirty. Oy.

    My friend said she (the new chick) was waiting in line for the Big Girl Stall when the other two stalls were open. When she asked her why, the girl said, “I have a thing for that stall…” as if that explained it? So weird.

  3. tony

    Just tell her it is your stall and to get out…hehehehe

    Jammie replies:
    I’m going to next time. Hehe. Plus I’m warning everyone! HA!
    I mean, truly, what if I had been one of our customers? ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

  4. dude, that story is STILL funny. hehe.

    i hope it gets back to her that you told everyone. hehehe. and i hope the person who tells her says that it was rude to say something to someone in the restroom stall.

    gosh. so bizarre!

    Jammie replies:
    I hope it gets back to her, too. It’d be different if it were the only stall in the place or something. But since the other two were open, she can just sit her butt down and use one of those. It’s not like her butt is a special butt. It’s clear to me that mine is… after all, I’m the one with the nice hat. HA!

  5. What a gross breach of rest room ettiquete! Guys NEVER (well, ok ALMOST never) talk to someone in a stall.

    I’d have come back with the smart ass answer. Something to the effect that you just can’t rush mother nature so no ETA was possible. Or, being a guy, I’d be like “I should be done reading the sports page in about 10 minutes. Come back then.”

    Jammie replies:
    Man, it was horrible. Traumatic, even!
    I’m so using your smart ass answer. Except I’ll say I’m almost done with my Glamour article, should only be another 15 minutes. ๐Ÿ˜†

  6. Caryl

    It’s normal in Korea to others to knock on the stall door. I used to think this was rude, but since the doors go all the way to the floor (squat toilets here), there’s no way to see feet and know if someone is really in the stall. So the knocking isn’t to tell one to hurry up, but it’s to ask, “Is someone in there?”

    A lot of toilets have been updated here on campus and not only have the sit-down western style toilets–some have heated seats. Students can adjust the temperature which means seats can be too hot to sit on, so it’s kind of like having a heated squat toilet. Ha!

    Jammie replies:
    Yes, but… knocking is different. I understand that, especially since, like you say the doors go to the floor. The thing was, she knew the stall was occupied and she knew two others were not. If our toilet seats warmed, when I finished, I would’ve set mine to FRY, BABY, FRY. And then giggled to myself about her burning her butt!

  7. My reply would’ve been something like this:

    Well, I don’t know. I tried the new lunch special, Carne Especial Con Goat Cheese, so maybe 30 minutes? But then when I’m done, you might want to air it out for another 45 minutes or so. You might also want to light a match cause I had 5 cups of coffee this morning and I think the creamer I used has expired. Mkay?

    ๐Ÿ˜€

    Jammie replies:
    Oh my GAWD! ๐Ÿ˜† That’s awesome! Hehehe

  8. i’m sure tony will second the opinion that your butt is special. hehehe ๐Ÿ˜›

    Jammie replies:
    Second and third it, I’m sure. ๐Ÿ˜›

  9. I like the line about airing out the stall when you are done. Kind of polite way to say ‘get lost’.

    Jammie replies:
    There have been a lot of good suggestions… I still can’t believe she was that rude. Man. Now I’m half scared to go in that stall, but at the same time, it’s like a dare. Because if she’s rude like that again, I’m prepared. The thing is, what if I were one of our customers and she were to do that to one of them? It’s rare, but still… she had no idea who was in there… so uncouth.

  10. You gotta be kidding me! Is this some kind of April’s Fools? How utterly rude and hilarious!

    We have one “employee” bathroom at work and the cooks aren’t at all afraid to come out of it, spraying it down with Lysol, waving their hands, and saying, “You may wanna come back…” Perhaps you could try that approach next time… LOL! Bwhahahahahahahahha!!!!

    Jammie replies:
    I wish it were an April’s fool joke.
    What was even funnier, was when I told one of the guys at work, he was all, “Dude, if you kept a blog, this would be something to put on there.” I nodded sagely and said, “If only…”

    I like your cooks’ attitude. It’s only nature… ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Well, I think I would tell her that I just got in here in it will be a good while so come back later. Simple and it would at least MAYBE get her off your back and out of there, too!
    That is really awful…I’m afraid that might stop a lot of things if someone did that to me….LOL!

    Jammie replies:
    Simple is sometimes a good thing — ๐Ÿ˜†
    Yeah, I’m half scared anytime I use that stall now. I feel relieved when someone comes in and goes into one of the other stalls. Like, phew, avoided that one!

  12. Your first two lines cracked me up:
    *Warning โ€” some may consider the following post to be TMI*

    So, Iโ€™m sitting there in the Big Girl Stall at work taking care of business.

    And I’ve had that happen, too. A rare case of having to go really badly… at a Kosher deli, and some old man was bitching about me being in the only stall (there was a urinal, too, but I guess he had the same business to attend to as me)… so he stood in the tiny bathroom right outside the stall waiting. Talk about performance anxiety.

    Jammie replies:
    HA HA! Yes, well, I believe in jumping right into things after the warning is issued.

    I feel fortunate that we have three stalls at work, the men only have two. I learned that, BTW, because I share my story with most everyone I come into contact with. Hehehe.

  13. Oh my gosh that is wierd! I don’t know what I’d say in that case, but probably would answer, “As long as it takes.” She sounds a bit obsessive ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Jammie replies:
    That’s a good one, too. My boss said she’d probably have just been abrupt with a, “I’ll be out in a minute” and closed the conversation off very quickly. Then she shook her head at the absurdity and said, “No, actually, I don’t know what I would’ve said.” What a predicament. ๐Ÿ˜†